Random Thought - saxomophone
You know, they say the saxaphone is the musical instrument that most sounds like the human voice.
True.
That is all.
True.
That is all.
posted by Heavy Early at 8:45 AM
0 comments
Thursday, March 30, 2006
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
...and two unrelated things
In a way it's inevitable.
In a way the waiting made it worse.
In a way, we all knew it was coming so maybe it's not so bad.
In an article filled with about 20 "ifs" and "buts" we find out that the best show of the last several years, Arrested Development, is just about as dead as can be.
And, on a lighter note, the fine people at Torontoist have linked to this amusing website that converts any page into a dialect. The "Swedish Chef" is kinda funny and I'm not sure if "jive" is racist or not but it's good for a solid 45-60 seconds of entertainment.
In a way the waiting made it worse.
In a way, we all knew it was coming so maybe it's not so bad.
In an article filled with about 20 "ifs" and "buts" we find out that the best show of the last several years, Arrested Development, is just about as dead as can be.
And, on a lighter note, the fine people at Torontoist have linked to this amusing website that converts any page into a dialect. The "Swedish Chef" is kinda funny and I'm not sure if "jive" is racist or not but it's good for a solid 45-60 seconds of entertainment.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:24 PM
0 comments
Video Hitz
-A funny (if not hillarious) trailer hilighting the extreme danger in which Harrison Ford's female leads tend to find themselves.
-The Snakes on a Plane 'net wave is taking over and The Fleischmarket is no exception. Watch a fan trailer! Write your own theme song! The fun never stops - and the movie isn't out until late summer.
-The Snakes on a Plane 'net wave is taking over and The Fleischmarket is no exception. Watch a fan trailer! Write your own theme song! The fun never stops - and the movie isn't out until late summer.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:20 PM
0 comments
Slash and Burn
Is there a bigger joke than Guns 'n' Roses and/or Axl Rose's plans to one day actually release his decade-in-the-making album, Chinese Democracy?
How about Spin magazine's Chuck Klosterman writing up a review that appears to be his joke on the way out the door. And, yes, April Fools is coming up this week.
There seems to be some confusion about whether the review has any merit but consensus is that Klosterman is just having a piss.
How about Spin magazine's Chuck Klosterman writing up a review that appears to be his joke on the way out the door. And, yes, April Fools is coming up this week.
There seems to be some confusion about whether the review has any merit but consensus is that Klosterman is just having a piss.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:16 PM
0 comments
Random Thoughts - Word Association
Some people ask me, "What is this world of quasi-journalism of which you speak?"
Well, here is a random list of concepts/phrases you might encounter in this world:
-soft
-"deadlines" (as opposed to deadlines)
-Advertorial
-starfucking
-phoner
-chipping in (moving furniture, replacing lights, stuffing envelopes)
-fraud
-"Double Issue!" (i.e. not twice the size of a normal issues. See: Freud, Sigmund)
and, my personal favourite (for sentimental reasons):
"The sales people are the ones out there on the front lines."
(If you need an analogy, the editorial staff are more like the guys in Jarhead.)
Well, here is a random list of concepts/phrases you might encounter in this world:
-soft
-"deadlines" (as opposed to deadlines)
-Advertorial
-starfucking
-phoner
-chipping in (moving furniture, replacing lights, stuffing envelopes)
-fraud
-"Double Issue!" (i.e. not twice the size of a normal issues. See: Freud, Sigmund)
and, my personal favourite (for sentimental reasons):
"The sales people are the ones out there on the front lines."
(If you need an analogy, the editorial staff are more like the guys in Jarhead.)
posted by Heavy Early at 9:19 AM
0 comments
Friday, March 24, 2006
The Worst Day of the Month II - Live Journal
By popular request (ie two people), once again the most stressful (and yet often boring) day of the month will be documented herein, with regular updates.
Last month's journal has been archived, safely tucked away in a Swiss bank, in the interests of avoiding retrograde legal action.
9:30 a.m. - Word on the winds is that Manic Energy will soon be blowing through in full force. So far, we've been sitting around waiting to get corrections so our pages can move forward.
Let me be clear - here, "Corrections" do not fix mistakes. They merely ensure that each page contains a sufficient dose of Manic Energy. Sometimes our "corrections," in fact CREATE mistakes, but that's a side effect rather than a goal.
Funniest thing of the day so far? We are advertising a contest wherein the winner receives a free Mother's Day brunch at a local beanery.
Next step: Call said beanery and see if they want to donate a free brunch to our little contest.
Just so you know - I've had less than 10 hours sleep over the last two nights (baby with cold & reflux = no fun, less sleep) so patience/interest might not be at all time highs.
Still, Homeboy is spinning some Simon & Garfunkel, I've got some Zimmy going...let's try to be optimistic.
Please forward any amusing headlines about South American wines to this address.
9:45 a.m. - It's important to occasionally laugh at your own jokes. I was just reminded of having shifted my name to "Heavy Early" and tittered, oh so slightly. See the "epic" post below about the rationale for this change.
FYI - Heavy Early walked into a wall and dropped his car keys but did NOT spill coffee on himself this morning. No congrats necessary.
10:05 a.m. -
What you say about his company
Is what you say about society
Catch the mist
Catch the myth
Catch the mystery
Catch the drift
M-m-manic Energy is h-h-here.
10:25 a.m. - One pretty easy "correction." Pshaw.
It's important to love your work - even if you're an intern who isn't getting paid.
Even if you are calling 10 different people to fact check their cheesecake prices.
11:40 a.m. - Finally, something has happened. And something entertaining!
As I mentioned last month, we are in a Faustian deal that basically results in us getting free lunches (think pizza, subs) because we're supposed to say at our desks and work, work work.
Someone must be behind or something because we were just told we could actually leave our desks for HALF AN HOUR (let's not into provincial labour law minimums) to get our own lunch. Of course you don't need a degree in theoretical mathetmatics to deduce that this saves The Powers That Be some money with no real downside, so long as work is where it needs to be.
You also don't need a degree in advanced logic to deduce that since, for the last five years, we have been chained to our desks with lunch provided, no one brings lunch and since we would suddenly have to buy our own, that FREE half hour (which we legally have coming to us if we want fresh air or a smoke anyway) ain't such a bargain.
Yeah, you can tell spring is back if you close your eyes and listen to the birds chirping.
"Cheep, cheep, cheap...."
NOON - Here is an editorial lesson I just gleaned.
Do you know what a pull quote is? It's when you're reading an article and a quote is hilighted in bolder text in the middle of the page. As a quasi-journalist, I am authorized to select what I feel is a good pull-quote for a given article, subject to the whims of The Powers That Be.
I just had one changed. I was asked to instead use the last sentence in the article. Of course this sentence is a strong finish but it's also totally undermined by having it be one of the first things the reader sees.
It's a bit like running an investigative pieces on why chickens cross roads and having, in bold text in the middle of the page, "We think it's because they are attracted to the other side of the street."
"Well," you might just think, "I guess I don't need to read the rest of THAT."
And you'd be right.
The point: Not only does the end justify the means - it renders them entirely moot.
Oh, and Insano Girl is disappointed she hasn't appeared here yet (this paragraph does not count). Well, lady, give me some drama, I'll give you some ink.
12:45 p..m. - Pizza.
Gourmet toppings.
A coca cola.
Buuurrrrp.
1:30 p.m. - Nothing is happening. Really, nothing.
3:51 p.m. - The first correction! (Yeah, I know we already did corrections but just because The Powers That Be have already seen the paper, it doesn't mean it's perfect....yet).
Could an actual spasm of work lie in the near future? Time will tell.
4:26 p.m. - The answer? Nope. But soon, soon!
4:58 p.m. - Manic Energy is, um....how to be diplomatic? Let's say "otherwise engaged." And on important matters, no doubt.
In the meantime, we've downshifted from first gear back into neutral.
6:30 p.m. - I have been dismissed. I'm not sure precisely what I've accomplished today...but, man, I am bored. And tired.
Last month's journal has been archived, safely tucked away in a Swiss bank, in the interests of avoiding retrograde legal action.
9:30 a.m. - Word on the winds is that Manic Energy will soon be blowing through in full force. So far, we've been sitting around waiting to get corrections so our pages can move forward.
Let me be clear - here, "Corrections" do not fix mistakes. They merely ensure that each page contains a sufficient dose of Manic Energy. Sometimes our "corrections," in fact CREATE mistakes, but that's a side effect rather than a goal.
Funniest thing of the day so far? We are advertising a contest wherein the winner receives a free Mother's Day brunch at a local beanery.
Next step: Call said beanery and see if they want to donate a free brunch to our little contest.
Just so you know - I've had less than 10 hours sleep over the last two nights (baby with cold & reflux = no fun, less sleep) so patience/interest might not be at all time highs.
Still, Homeboy is spinning some Simon & Garfunkel, I've got some Zimmy going...let's try to be optimistic.
Please forward any amusing headlines about South American wines to this address.
9:45 a.m. - It's important to occasionally laugh at your own jokes. I was just reminded of having shifted my name to "Heavy Early" and tittered, oh so slightly. See the "epic" post below about the rationale for this change.
FYI - Heavy Early walked into a wall and dropped his car keys but did NOT spill coffee on himself this morning. No congrats necessary.
10:05 a.m. -
What you say about his company
Is what you say about society
Catch the mist
Catch the myth
Catch the mystery
Catch the drift
M-m-manic Energy is h-h-here.
10:25 a.m. - One pretty easy "correction." Pshaw.
It's important to love your work - even if you're an intern who isn't getting paid.
Even if you are calling 10 different people to fact check their cheesecake prices.
11:40 a.m. - Finally, something has happened. And something entertaining!
As I mentioned last month, we are in a Faustian deal that basically results in us getting free lunches (think pizza, subs) because we're supposed to say at our desks and work, work work.
Someone must be behind or something because we were just told we could actually leave our desks for HALF AN HOUR (let's not into provincial labour law minimums) to get our own lunch. Of course you don't need a degree in theoretical mathetmatics to deduce that this saves The Powers That Be some money with no real downside, so long as work is where it needs to be.
You also don't need a degree in advanced logic to deduce that since, for the last five years, we have been chained to our desks with lunch provided, no one brings lunch and since we would suddenly have to buy our own, that FREE half hour (which we legally have coming to us if we want fresh air or a smoke anyway) ain't such a bargain.
Yeah, you can tell spring is back if you close your eyes and listen to the birds chirping.
"Cheep, cheep, cheap...."
NOON - Here is an editorial lesson I just gleaned.
Do you know what a pull quote is? It's when you're reading an article and a quote is hilighted in bolder text in the middle of the page. As a quasi-journalist, I am authorized to select what I feel is a good pull-quote for a given article, subject to the whims of The Powers That Be.
I just had one changed. I was asked to instead use the last sentence in the article. Of course this sentence is a strong finish but it's also totally undermined by having it be one of the first things the reader sees.
It's a bit like running an investigative pieces on why chickens cross roads and having, in bold text in the middle of the page, "We think it's because they are attracted to the other side of the street."
"Well," you might just think, "I guess I don't need to read the rest of THAT."
And you'd be right.
The point: Not only does the end justify the means - it renders them entirely moot.
Oh, and Insano Girl is disappointed she hasn't appeared here yet (this paragraph does not count). Well, lady, give me some drama, I'll give you some ink.
12:45 p..m. - Pizza.
Gourmet toppings.
A coca cola.
Buuurrrrp.
1:30 p.m. - Nothing is happening. Really, nothing.
3:51 p.m. - The first correction! (Yeah, I know we already did corrections but just because The Powers That Be have already seen the paper, it doesn't mean it's perfect....yet).
Could an actual spasm of work lie in the near future? Time will tell.
4:26 p.m. - The answer? Nope. But soon, soon!
4:58 p.m. - Manic Energy is, um....how to be diplomatic? Let's say "otherwise engaged." And on important matters, no doubt.
In the meantime, we've downshifted from first gear back into neutral.
6:30 p.m. - I have been dismissed. I'm not sure precisely what I've accomplished today...but, man, I am bored. And tired.
posted by Heavy Early at 4:59 PM
32 comments
Spam(s) of the Day!
While I have a spare moment, allow me to clear my spam backlog.
-Romero asks the eternal question, "Ever imagine your runty" and then spins a strange story about croquet.
-This letter from delmore keeps sounding like it will make sense and then veers back into absurdity:
"Morning Teemofe,
Question, you in lose 38 pds. and best companions; the vain battles we
have been fighting with
If this is true then go visit www.uunnqo.org/c0j/. Me and Hubert both tried
it and can vouch for them. Dont' worry, nothing is required from you except
an open mind.
ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her. attitude.
Very good, my dear, very good. Come up, Bruin!.
No worries,
slavik"
-Petrick asks a question for which the obvious answer is YES, YES, YES:
"Wanna get a anatomy like G. Clooney"
-Zoe Turner's opus, "Become the man women desire" is par for the course unti she lets loose with:
"14 Turk and Tatar The Tatars had arrived, swiftly and noiselessly, and a dozen of the warriors, still mounted, were surrounding him "
Gripping!
-Nita Perdue is selling a wonderful sex aid called "The Gravetizer" but it's not as funny without the picture. Imagine a small trampoline with a whole in the middle, then imagine a world of possibility.
-Lastly, I don't know how I've gone this long without posting a vintage African bank scam. Here's a good one, in it's entirety. And, um, don't respond to it, okay?
"My Greetings to you
I am Mrs Evelyn Gafari from Libya. I am married to
Late Jamail
Gafari of blessed memory who was an oil explorer in Libya
and Kuwait for twelve years before he died in the year
2000. We were married for twelve years without a child.
My husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only
four nights Since his death I too have been battling
with both Cancer and fibroid problems. When my late
Husband was alive he deposited a substantial amount of
money in millions of dollars with a Finance Firm overseas.
Recently my doctor told me that I have only six months
to live in this world due to cancer problem. Though what
disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.
Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to
either a charity orphanage home or devoted God fearing
individual company that will utilize this money the way .I
am going to instruct herein I want this organization or
individual to use this money in all sincerity to fund
charity homes motherless homes orphanages and
widows.
Although I took this decision because I don't have any
child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives
are into radical organization
and I don't want a situation where this money will be used
in an unholy manner Hence the reasons for this bold
decision. Please pray for me to recover as your
prayers will go a long way in uplifting my spirit. I
don't need any telephone communication in this regard
because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me
always and my doctor has advised me not to speak on phone
because of my health
I don't want them to know about this development.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you further
directives on what to do and how to go about actualizing
this project I will also issue a
letter of authorization to the Finance Company authorizing
them that the said fund has being willed to you and a copy
of such authorization will be forwarded to you.
I want you to always pray for me However any delay in
your reply will give room in sourcing for an organization
or a devoted Individual for this same purpose.
Until I hear from you by email and you can as well reply to
this email address evgafi@sify com my dreams will
rest squarely on your shoulders.
Remain Blessed
Mr Evelyn Gafari"
-Romero asks the eternal question, "Ever imagine your runty" and then spins a strange story about croquet.
-This letter from delmore keeps sounding like it will make sense and then veers back into absurdity:
"Morning Teemofe,
Question, you in lose 38 pds. and best companions; the vain battles we
have been fighting with
If this is true then go visit www.uunnqo.org/c0j/. Me and Hubert both tried
it and can vouch for them. Dont' worry, nothing is required from you except
an open mind.
ever was! Good-bye, feet!' (for when she looked down at her. attitude.
Very good, my dear, very good. Come up, Bruin!.
No worries,
slavik"
-Petrick asks a question for which the obvious answer is YES, YES, YES:
"Wanna get a anatomy like G. Clooney"
-Zoe Turner's opus, "Become the man women desire" is par for the course unti she lets loose with:
"14 Turk and Tatar The Tatars had arrived, swiftly and noiselessly, and a dozen of the warriors, still mounted, were surrounding him "
Gripping!
-Nita Perdue is selling a wonderful sex aid called "The Gravetizer" but it's not as funny without the picture. Imagine a small trampoline with a whole in the middle, then imagine a world of possibility.
-Lastly, I don't know how I've gone this long without posting a vintage African bank scam. Here's a good one, in it's entirety. And, um, don't respond to it, okay?
"My Greetings to you
I am Mrs Evelyn Gafari from Libya. I am married to
Late Jamail
Gafari of blessed memory who was an oil explorer in Libya
and Kuwait for twelve years before he died in the year
2000. We were married for twelve years without a child.
My husband died after a brief illness that lasted for only
four nights Since his death I too have been battling
with both Cancer and fibroid problems. When my late
Husband was alive he deposited a substantial amount of
money in millions of dollars with a Finance Firm overseas.
Recently my doctor told me that I have only six months
to live in this world due to cancer problem. Though what
disturbs me most is my stroke sickness.
Having known my condition I decided to donate this fund to
either a charity orphanage home or devoted God fearing
individual company that will utilize this money the way .I
am going to instruct herein I want this organization or
individual to use this money in all sincerity to fund
charity homes motherless homes orphanages and
widows.
Although I took this decision because I don't have any
child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives
are into radical organization
and I don't want a situation where this money will be used
in an unholy manner Hence the reasons for this bold
decision. Please pray for me to recover as your
prayers will go a long way in uplifting my spirit. I
don't need any telephone communication in this regard
because of the presence of my husband's relatives around me
always and my doctor has advised me not to speak on phone
because of my health
I don't want them to know about this development.
As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you further
directives on what to do and how to go about actualizing
this project I will also issue a
letter of authorization to the Finance Company authorizing
them that the said fund has being willed to you and a copy
of such authorization will be forwarded to you.
I want you to always pray for me However any delay in
your reply will give room in sourcing for an organization
or a devoted Individual for this same purpose.
Until I hear from you by email and you can as well reply to
this email address evgafi@sify com my dreams will
rest squarely on your shoulders.
Remain Blessed
Mr Evelyn Gafari"
posted by Heavy Early at 9:00 AM
0 comments
I hate to admit it but...
I'm not a horror fan.
Not even of ironic retro horror. (Sam Raimi films, to the extent they are horror, are the exception that proves the rule.)
Nonetheless, there is something about Sam Jackson fighting snakes on plane (in the aptly titled, Snakes on a Plane) that somehow seems worth watching.
You tell me...
Not even of ironic retro horror. (Sam Raimi films, to the extent they are horror, are the exception that proves the rule.)
Nonetheless, there is something about Sam Jackson fighting snakes on plane (in the aptly titled, Snakes on a Plane) that somehow seems worth watching.
You tell me...
posted by Heavy Early at 12:41 AM
0 comments
Thursday, March 23, 2006
Two Great, Totally Unrelated Stories
-Finally! Someone recognizes the pouty genius that is Chloe O'Brian
-THIS POST GOT MESSED UP SO I'M RECONSTRUCTING AS BEST I CAN.
Toronto, like so many large metropoli, has HOV lanes for vehicles with at least one other passenger to use. There are amusing loopholes like, if you have a baby that counts as a passenger even though you're not helping take any cars off the road.
Anyway, yesterday a lady got busted for pretending she had a baby in the back seat. The result? A fine of $110 and three demerit points.
And these two choice quotes from OPP officer Cam Wooley:
"[The decoy's] arms were stretched out, but there weren't any hands... [it] Looked like a scarecrow ... and that Kenny character from the South Park cartoon series."
and
"We've been averaging a couple of hundred tickets each month and some of them are real rocket scientists. We've caught people driving with no insurance, no licence and on criminal warrants."
-THIS POST GOT MESSED UP SO I'M RECONSTRUCTING AS BEST I CAN.
Toronto, like so many large metropoli, has HOV lanes for vehicles with at least one other passenger to use. There are amusing loopholes like, if you have a baby that counts as a passenger even though you're not helping take any cars off the road.
Anyway, yesterday a lady got busted for pretending she had a baby in the back seat. The result? A fine of $110 and three demerit points.
And these two choice quotes from OPP officer Cam Wooley:
"[The decoy's] arms were stretched out, but there weren't any hands... [it] Looked like a scarecrow ... and that Kenny character from the South Park cartoon series."
and
"We've been averaging a couple of hundred tickets each month and some of them are real rocket scientists. We've caught people driving with no insurance, no licence and on criminal warrants."
posted by Heavy Early at 10:47 PM
0 comments
News Briefs - South Park fun
It's been a crazy week from start to finish so please pardon the brevity.
-Who knew that South Park was still so edgy? First, their Tom Cruise/Scientology-slapping episode got pulled from re-running, ostensibly because Cruise put the kybosh on it. (He threatened not to do publicity work for MI:3 which is produced by Paramount which is owned by Viacom who also own Comedy Central who produce South Park.)
That yielded this choice press release from Matt and Trey:
"So, Scientology, you have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun. Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"
Then Isaac Hayes left the show, ostensibly because they mock religions but really because they mocked his - Scientology.
Well, thank the lord for the Internet age because you can learn about Hayes leaving and watch that banned Cruise episode here - at least for the time being.
-Who knew that South Park was still so edgy? First, their Tom Cruise/Scientology-slapping episode got pulled from re-running, ostensibly because Cruise put the kybosh on it. (He threatened not to do publicity work for MI:3 which is produced by Paramount which is owned by Viacom who also own Comedy Central who produce South Park.)
That yielded this choice press release from Matt and Trey:
"So, Scientology, you have won THIS battle, but the million-year war for Earth has just begun. Temporarily anozinizing our episode will NOT stop us from keeping Thetans forever trapped in your pitiful man-bodies. Curses and drat! You have obstructed us for now, but your feeble bid to save humanity will fail! Hail Xenu!!!"
Then Isaac Hayes left the show, ostensibly because they mock religions but really because they mocked his - Scientology.
Well, thank the lord for the Internet age because you can learn about Hayes leaving and watch that banned Cruise episode here - at least for the time being.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:42 PM
0 comments
Epic News
I intend on having actual, substantive posts resuming soon.
In the meantime I hereby announce that I am changing my name from one obscure pop culture reference to another.
TJ O'Pootertoot will live on forever in our hearts but, at least for the time being, I'm going to start going by "Heavy Early."
If "Fuzzy Lobster" doesn't work out, this is high on my list of "Cool Band Names That I Can't Believe Haven't Been Taken!"
Once you're down to lame, obvious stuff like "Mogwai" and "Save Ferris!" you know you're in trouble.
If you actually know what "Heavy Early" is from, answer in the comments and win my undying admiration. It's the sort of thing that, if I told you, you'd probably go, "Oh yeah..."
In the meantime I hereby announce that I am changing my name from one obscure pop culture reference to another.
TJ O'Pootertoot will live on forever in our hearts but, at least for the time being, I'm going to start going by "Heavy Early."
If "Fuzzy Lobster" doesn't work out, this is high on my list of "Cool Band Names That I Can't Believe Haven't Been Taken!"
Once you're down to lame, obvious stuff like "Mogwai" and "Save Ferris!" you know you're in trouble.
If you actually know what "Heavy Early" is from, answer in the comments and win my undying admiration. It's the sort of thing that, if I told you, you'd probably go, "Oh yeah..."
posted by Heavy Early at 3:37 PM
0 comments
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Takeback
I take back my earlier 20% apology to MuchMusic (a couple of posts below). And MuchMoreMusic and all other spawn.
The other night they showed Beverly Hills Cop 2 and I just saw a commercial that they are showing Training Day this week. Beyond the presence of black people and a soundtrack, I don't see what these have to do with music.
Maybe they could play a little less bullshit and a little more Ron Sexsmith, Neko Case (honourary Canuck) and Feist. Or not.
Whatever.
posted by Heavy Early at 8:20 PM
0 comments
The News in Brief: Hell in a Handbasket
Continuing in the Ashley MacIsaac vein, here are a few stories you do not need to read to "get."
-Stephen Harper is our prime minister and sometimes he is fat. And he doesn't wanna meet Brigitte Bardot in this condition.
-I'm proud to say that I saw the headline declaring "Camilla" to be the winner of some "spouse of the year" poll - and I had no idea who "Camilla" was (ie NOT Gonzo's chicken friend).
-Some Canadian guy was on The Apprentice. Then he got fired. He likes to eat bagels.
-BUSH is facing MOUNTING criticism about his PULLOUT. Really.
-Utah Jazz forward Carlos Boozer is upset Prince painted his mansion purple.
-Mike Tyson, in town for the World Cage Fighting Championships, is sorry for being so, like, violent.
-And lastly, in local news. Some kid managed to steal a fire truck and take it for a joyride. The Globe and Mail, Canada's proverbial paper of record, refers to the enterprising youth as a "hoser" in its headline.
As the article states, fire trucks don't have keys. "Instead, drivers press a number of knobs in the correct sequence." Nonetheless, this "hoser" managed to figure it out, hit the siren and hit the road while the firefighters were doing something in the local Home Depot. Stealing is wrong...but it's funny.
-Stephen Harper is our prime minister and sometimes he is fat. And he doesn't wanna meet Brigitte Bardot in this condition.
-I'm proud to say that I saw the headline declaring "Camilla" to be the winner of some "spouse of the year" poll - and I had no idea who "Camilla" was (ie NOT Gonzo's chicken friend).
-Some Canadian guy was on The Apprentice. Then he got fired. He likes to eat bagels.
-BUSH is facing MOUNTING criticism about his PULLOUT. Really.
-Utah Jazz forward Carlos Boozer is upset Prince painted his mansion purple.
-Mike Tyson, in town for the World Cage Fighting Championships, is sorry for being so, like, violent.
-And lastly, in local news. Some kid managed to steal a fire truck and take it for a joyride. The Globe and Mail, Canada's proverbial paper of record, refers to the enterprising youth as a "hoser" in its headline.
As the article states, fire trucks don't have keys. "Instead, drivers press a number of knobs in the correct sequence." Nonetheless, this "hoser" managed to figure it out, hit the siren and hit the road while the firefighters were doing something in the local Home Depot. Stealing is wrong...but it's funny.
posted by Heavy Early at 8:07 PM
0 comments
Ashley MacIsaac: politician
There aren't any jokes to be made about this story that are not already in the article.
-Ashley MacIsaac is serious about wanting to run for the leadership of the federal Liberal party.
-He once admitted that among his sexual pleasures is urinating on young men.
-He plays a MEAN fiddle.
-And, oh, his new album came out today.
-Ashley MacIsaac is serious about wanting to run for the leadership of the federal Liberal party.
-He once admitted that among his sexual pleasures is urinating on young men.
-He plays a MEAN fiddle.
-And, oh, his new album came out today.
posted by Heavy Early at 8:04 PM
0 comments
A 20% apology
I stand by my declaration that MuchMusic is a pale, pale imitation of its former self. Nonetheless, at the very same time I was dissing MTV for playing Nicklecrap, Much was hitting it with the rockin' new Sam Roberts song. Nice.
posted by Heavy Early at 7:55 PM
0 comments
MTV Canada: Shit on the Pile
There are so many things about MTV Canada that are stupid or otherwise bizarre, it's hard to know where to start. Here are just a few basics.
-There used to be an MTV Canada. No one cared.
-Muchmusic's programming is 85% MTV these days anyway. Anything that once distinguished them (and made Much 10x cooler) is now history. I don't know what a 60 minute show about Donald Trump's extravagant lifestyle has to do with, say, how Arcade Fire is bustin' up the world but...maybe that's just me.
-The new MTV is more about talking than music. It's just a brand. They could have called it Nike TV if they wanted.
They launched today and as I flicked by channel 59 I saw Chad Kroeger introducing the video for Photograph. Way to get on my double-shit list, MTV.
It made me think of something a friend said back in high school. There was this girl - an ugly girl by any definition. Fat, unattractive, not really nice...and she started smoking to hang with the cool crowd. My friend shook his head, looked at the cigarette and the girl and said, "That's just more shit on the pile."
Cruel, perhaps. But apt.
-There used to be an MTV Canada. No one cared.
-Muchmusic's programming is 85% MTV these days anyway. Anything that once distinguished them (and made Much 10x cooler) is now history. I don't know what a 60 minute show about Donald Trump's extravagant lifestyle has to do with, say, how Arcade Fire is bustin' up the world but...maybe that's just me.
-The new MTV is more about talking than music. It's just a brand. They could have called it Nike TV if they wanted.
They launched today and as I flicked by channel 59 I saw Chad Kroeger introducing the video for Photograph. Way to get on my double-shit list, MTV.
It made me think of something a friend said back in high school. There was this girl - an ugly girl by any definition. Fat, unattractive, not really nice...and she started smoking to hang with the cool crowd. My friend shook his head, looked at the cigarette and the girl and said, "That's just more shit on the pile."
Cruel, perhaps. But apt.
posted by Heavy Early at 7:48 PM
0 comments
Monday, March 20, 2006
Spam of the Day
So hard to pick just one!
-There are currently 22 emails from "Bath.n.Bed" in my DELETED folder.
-If I'm finishing too early in bed I should:
"spleenwort domineer melville it me debutante jacm tradesman respond it parvenu fable"
-Ollie, knowing my nickname, hits me with this:
Hey Meximus,
Last night, I chatted with Dewayne and he informed me that he was wanting
to get back into shape. He said u might be interested in it also. If so,
you'll wanna see these guys at xxx.
but instead, keeps quiet. Instead of being completely honest and open with
Finny, Gene
and he was able to deliver shattering blows at Bull Run, Fredericksburg,
and. the small farms profitable, and many have been forced to sell out to
wealthy landowners or speculators. In.
-Rafella Cruz has this to say - beware, there is a cliffhanger.
But as I have never been in either direction, down or up, since I arrived, I cannot be positive whether it is exactly half way or not The Being paused, and drew from an inner pocket something resembling a flat metal box Have you a factory in this place? asked the Wizard, who had been examining the strange personage carefullyIn size it was about four inches by six, and nearly an inch in thickness What is it? asked Rob, wonderingly
-Kanisha Banks makes me an offer and then delights with some Harry Potter:
crabbe and goyle were both sitting with their mouths open like gargoyles. pansy was gazing down at malfoy as though she had never seen anything so awe-inspiring.
-And, of course, two nice random names:
Felicitous T. Shooters
Pardonable U. Temporary
-There are currently 22 emails from "Bath.n.Bed" in my DELETED folder.
-If I'm finishing too early in bed I should:
"spleenwort domineer melville it me debutante jacm tradesman respond it parvenu fable"
-Ollie, knowing my nickname, hits me with this:
Hey Meximus,
Last night, I chatted with Dewayne and he informed me that he was wanting
to get back into shape. He said u might be interested in it also. If so,
you'll wanna see these guys at xxx.
but instead, keeps quiet. Instead of being completely honest and open with
Finny, Gene
and he was able to deliver shattering blows at Bull Run, Fredericksburg,
and. the small farms profitable, and many have been forced to sell out to
wealthy landowners or speculators. In.
-Rafella Cruz has this to say - beware, there is a cliffhanger.
But as I have never been in either direction, down or up, since I arrived, I cannot be positive whether it is exactly half way or not The Being paused, and drew from an inner pocket something resembling a flat metal box Have you a factory in this place? asked the Wizard, who had been examining the strange personage carefullyIn size it was about four inches by six, and nearly an inch in thickness What is it? asked Rob, wonderingly
-Kanisha Banks makes me an offer and then delights with some Harry Potter:
crabbe and goyle were both sitting with their mouths open like gargoyles. pansy was gazing down at malfoy as though she had never seen anything so awe-inspiring.
-And, of course, two nice random names:
Felicitous T. Shooters
Pardonable U. Temporary
posted by Heavy Early at 9:39 PM
0 comments
Friday, March 17, 2006
It's not funny, but...
This story is no doubt terrible and sad but anyone with even a shred of enjoyment for infantile humour will appreciate this Toronto Star headline.
Man, 69, charged with sex assaults in 1970s
Now go read the the article and weep to redeem yourself.
Man, 69, charged with sex assaults in 1970s
Now go read the the article and weep to redeem yourself.
posted by Heavy Early at 1:59 PM
0 comments
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Random Thought - I miss the WB Studio Stores
I used to thoroughly enjoy a visit to the local Warner Bros. Studio Store.
I have a great Marvin the Martian mug and several items of Pinky and the Brain paraphenelia.
I must have been at the location in every city I visited...New York, Vegas, Chicago, Buffalo...and they shut down. Several years ago, I know.
Some of the stuff was obviously a bit kitchy but they sold a fascinating blend of kitchy stuff and high end material like original animation cels.
I miss 'em is all. Sniffle.
I have a great Marvin the Martian mug and several items of Pinky and the Brain paraphenelia.
I must have been at the location in every city I visited...New York, Vegas, Chicago, Buffalo...and they shut down. Several years ago, I know.
Some of the stuff was obviously a bit kitchy but they sold a fascinating blend of kitchy stuff and high end material like original animation cels.
I miss 'em is all. Sniffle.
posted by Heavy Early at 11:24 PM
0 comments
How did I miss this tidbit?
I was reading Rolling Stone's article on the richest rock stars 0f 2005/06 (not too exciting) and stumbled across a simple throwaway I had no clue about: Cirque du Soleil signed a deal with the Beatles to do a show set to their music.
Now I may have another reason to go to back to Vegas- it looks like it will be at a new 2,000 seat theatre at The Mirage since Siegried & Roy ain't coming back. And I'm behind on my Cirque shows as it is - haven't seen the water one or the sexy one. Maybe if they didn't charge $150 it would be easier to catch em all.
Cirquealready had 4 shows going in Vegas and while they can be a bit hit andmiss (I NEVER understand the "story" at the centre of the show), whenthey are good they are transcendent.
This Beatles thing could be Yellow Submarine, or it could be Lennon.
It's set to open in "mid-2006" so it's getting close...
Now I may have another reason to go to back to Vegas- it looks like it will be at a new 2,000 seat theatre at The Mirage since Siegried & Roy ain't coming back. And I'm behind on my Cirque shows as it is - haven't seen the water one or the sexy one. Maybe if they didn't charge $150 it would be easier to catch em all.
Cirquealready had 4 shows going in Vegas and while they can be a bit hit andmiss (I NEVER understand the "story" at the centre of the show), whenthey are good they are transcendent.
This Beatles thing could be Yellow Submarine, or it could be Lennon.
It's set to open in "mid-2006" so it's getting close...
posted by Heavy Early at 11:18 PM
0 comments
Uh oh, it's magic...
So The Cars are back together - kinda. They have added Todd Rundgren, but lost Ric Ocasek.
What is the point? This is a good time for a rant about bands that should JUST STOP!
Like, I'm nota Who fan but if I was, I would be embarassed. When Moon died they should have stopped. Page & Plant have lots to musical silliness to be embarassed by but time and time again they have resisted reuniting "Led Zeppelin" knowing such a thing is impossible. Ditto for the Beatles.
The Band, for all their genius, simply were not the same without Robbie Robertson.
Th eRolling Stones have shed more members than most bands even have but as long as Mick and Keith can breathe, they'll keep going.
Queen at leasthas the courtesy to say "With Paul Rogers," acknowledging that they are whoring their past to make some $$ but while recognizing that they aren't the same band without Freddy Mercury.
If it's obvious to fans what constitutes THE BAND, why can't they tell?
No Ocasek=no Cars.
That's the bottom line.
Yeesh.
What is the point? This is a good time for a rant about bands that should JUST STOP!
Like, I'm nota Who fan but if I was, I would be embarassed. When Moon died they should have stopped. Page & Plant have lots to musical silliness to be embarassed by but time and time again they have resisted reuniting "Led Zeppelin" knowing such a thing is impossible. Ditto for the Beatles.
The Band, for all their genius, simply were not the same without Robbie Robertson.
Th eRolling Stones have shed more members than most bands even have but as long as Mick and Keith can breathe, they'll keep going.
Queen at leasthas the courtesy to say "With Paul Rogers," acknowledging that they are whoring their past to make some $$ but while recognizing that they aren't the same band without Freddy Mercury.
If it's obvious to fans what constitutes THE BAND, why can't they tell?
No Ocasek=no Cars.
That's the bottom line.
Yeesh.
posted by Heavy Early at 11:11 PM
1 comments
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
Random Thought - Free Smiles
Do you think that if you work at McDonald's, morons asking for a smile(because they're, like, FREE on the menu) is one of the ten worstthings about your job?
posted by Heavy Early at 4:37 PM
0 comments
Spam of the Day
The subject line says, "Someone has invited you," which inevitably raises suspicions.
then you open it up and it says:
"Someone has invited you to play bingo."
BINGO?
BINGO?
Well, whoopee-fucking do! Is that all you've got?
BINGO?
Why don't I just drop everything, quit my job and go play BINGO.
Yeesh. Talk about anti-climactic.
then you open it up and it says:
"Someone has invited you to play bingo."
BINGO?
BINGO?
Well, whoopee-fucking do! Is that all you've got?
BINGO?
Why don't I just drop everything, quit my job and go play BINGO.
Yeesh. Talk about anti-climactic.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:48 AM
0 comments
Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back - to the Jungle, baby!
Since the Scott Stapp story well has dried up - for now - we can all be thankful that the corpse that is Guns 'n' Roses is still kicking.
There is, firstly, something inherently amusing about this "Chinese Democracy" album that Axl Rose (ie Guns 'n' Roses) has been working on for about 10 years now.
Secondly, and at the risk of offending some, there is something amusing about the remaining members actually hooking up with Scott Weiland for Velvet Revolver. I think the North American music scene would be fine if all involved retired but if they're keeping kids off the streets, I guess that's okay.
So now, asked about Crazy Axl in an interview, Slash said he's always been supportive of the guy which lead to Axl emerging from his cave in Tora Bora to declare that Slash is "a consummate press, photo and media opportunist and manipulator."
On Mar. 10, Rose sued Slash over what is described in legal terms as "creative works" and the control thereof. In the process he attacked basically everyone in Velvet Revolver which meant that lead singer/heroin addict/Eddie Vedder impersonator Weiland had to respond.
You can read the whole statement here but he starts by saying, "Get in the rinGo to the gym motherfucker, or if you prefer, get a new wig motherfucker." and then adds choice quotes like:
"[Axl is a] fat, Botox-faced, wig-wearin' fuck.... [and an] unoriginal, uncreative little mind, the same mind that had to rely on its bandmates to write melodies and lyrics."
Later in the day I'll have to dig up a picture of Axl circa this century because Weiland's right there - he's one messed-up looking dude, man.
Given the cultural relevance at stake this is a bit like watching a viscious spat between the guy who played Jawarhalal on Head of the Class and, um, Joel Higgins (c'mon - he's the father from Silver Spoons!).
P.S. If you want to read REAL artists slagging each other like little children, it's still hard to beat the Tom Wolfe vs. John Irving and John Updike and Normal Mailer Bout of 2001.
There is, firstly, something inherently amusing about this "Chinese Democracy" album that Axl Rose (ie Guns 'n' Roses) has been working on for about 10 years now.
Secondly, and at the risk of offending some, there is something amusing about the remaining members actually hooking up with Scott Weiland for Velvet Revolver. I think the North American music scene would be fine if all involved retired but if they're keeping kids off the streets, I guess that's okay.
So now, asked about Crazy Axl in an interview, Slash said he's always been supportive of the guy which lead to Axl emerging from his cave in Tora Bora to declare that Slash is "a consummate press, photo and media opportunist and manipulator."
On Mar. 10, Rose sued Slash over what is described in legal terms as "creative works" and the control thereof. In the process he attacked basically everyone in Velvet Revolver which meant that lead singer/heroin addict/Eddie Vedder impersonator Weiland had to respond.
You can read the whole statement here but he starts by saying, "Get in the rinGo to the gym motherfucker, or if you prefer, get a new wig motherfucker." and then adds choice quotes like:
"[Axl is a] fat, Botox-faced, wig-wearin' fuck.... [and an] unoriginal, uncreative little mind, the same mind that had to rely on its bandmates to write melodies and lyrics."
Later in the day I'll have to dig up a picture of Axl circa this century because Weiland's right there - he's one messed-up looking dude, man.
Given the cultural relevance at stake this is a bit like watching a viscious spat between the guy who played Jawarhalal on Head of the Class and, um, Joel Higgins (c'mon - he's the father from Silver Spoons!).
P.S. If you want to read REAL artists slagging each other like little children, it's still hard to beat the Tom Wolfe vs. John Irving and John Updike and Normal Mailer Bout of 2001.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:25 AM
0 comments
Vive La France
Sometimes, I must admit, I like French-bashing as much as the next guy.
There are all sorts of reasons I need not outline here. Suffice it to say, I have no qualms with Groundkeeper Willie's description of them as "Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys." But then they go and do something like this.
They give out these Knights of Arts and Letters title to just about everyone it seems, but now they are giving it to deserving folks: Video game inventors.
The result is that Nintendo employee Shigeru Miyamoto has been honoured for his work which includes creating Donkey Kong AND Legend of Zelda AND Super Mario Bros. (but not the film)!
Also honoured were a couple of boring Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys.
There are all sorts of reasons I need not outline here. Suffice it to say, I have no qualms with Groundkeeper Willie's description of them as "Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys." But then they go and do something like this.
They give out these Knights of Arts and Letters title to just about everyone it seems, but now they are giving it to deserving folks: Video game inventors.
The result is that Nintendo employee Shigeru Miyamoto has been honoured for his work which includes creating Donkey Kong AND Legend of Zelda AND Super Mario Bros. (but not the film)!
Also honoured were a couple of boring Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:20 AM
0 comments
Dream Humour
I had a peculiar dream last night.
Most of it was odd and, of course, a substantial portion of it is lost to memory.
What I do retain however is a pretty cute image.
A janitor shows up to pick some girl up for a date.
He's poor and humble so instead of flowers he has a feather duster which he holds like a bouquet. Looks a bit like Charlie Chaplin.
I dunno - I just thought that was a pretty clever image for someone to come up with while unconscious.
Most of it was odd and, of course, a substantial portion of it is lost to memory.
What I do retain however is a pretty cute image.
A janitor shows up to pick some girl up for a date.
He's poor and humble so instead of flowers he has a feather duster which he holds like a bouquet. Looks a bit like Charlie Chaplin.
I dunno - I just thought that was a pretty clever image for someone to come up with while unconscious.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:12 AM
0 comments
Random Thought - Wherefore art the Shamrock Shake?
I am not one to either engage in St. Patrick's Day revelries, nor to sup beneath the Golden Arches.
Nonetheless,it did occur to me this week that an important holiday tradition has gone AWOL. Of course I am speaking of the Shamrock Shake.
Like all McDonald's shakes it was wonderfully thick and goopy but with a lively green colour and a minty bite.
I wonder where it went?
Did some Irish anti-defamation group have it shut down?
NOTE:In doing research I did come across this web site that has a petition to bring back the shake which has been gone for as long as a DECADE in some markets. Quelle horreur.
Nonetheless,it did occur to me this week that an important holiday tradition has gone AWOL. Of course I am speaking of the Shamrock Shake.
Like all McDonald's shakes it was wonderfully thick and goopy but with a lively green colour and a minty bite.
I wonder where it went?
Did some Irish anti-defamation group have it shut down?
NOTE:In doing research I did come across this web site that has a petition to bring back the shake which has been gone for as long as a DECADE in some markets. Quelle horreur.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:08 AM
3 comments
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
My bad
Earlier in the week I posted my exciting FuzzyLobster story without a picture.
Here is the sexy beast himself.
Here is the sexy beast himself.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:47 PM
0 comments
Welcome Back, Welcome Back, Welcome Back
What exciting news!
A remake of one of the true TV classics - Welcome Back Kotter.
Thespian Ice Cube will be taking over the Kotter role
Not only that - there's going to be a feature film AND a TV series. It's the whole package.
Mind you, it's going to be directed by the guy who did The Hot Chick...well, let's try to be optimistic. Let's hope we get Three Kings Ice Cube instead of Are We There Yet Ice Cube.
Let's start wondering the big questions - who will play Barbarino?
Will Cube tell vaudville jokes to his long-suffering wife?
Who will be this generations Puerto Rican/Jew, Juan Epstein?
I can hardly wait.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:34 PM
0 comments
Spam of the Day
Some more delicious random prose today.
jien-jin offers to helo me "Maker her happy," throws in an offer and then says:
"speaker realizes his father is dead, he can start to overcome the .
traditional by emphasizing the language of Baumer?s.
l sign creator implies a higher authority that no longer involves with the
lives of the inconsequential individuals below. Wilson, an inhabitant of the
V.
igantov"
Etille asks "how big can ur unit get," also offers some product and then some information that might come in handy:
"The Count of Monte Cristo. Dumas, born July 24, 1802, wrote The Count of
Monte Cristo from 1844 to 1845, the period in which the.
novel takes place. To countless people, this novel contains the genres of
adventure, Romantic, and moralistic tale. Alexandre D. itive side. This
event does not constitute a significant change. As Holden himself says,
"It's n.
Thank you
callum"
Lastly, eleric asks the eternal question, "Wanna raise ur thing 2 - 6 "
Again, details about whay he can do for my unit and then...
"ugh the bottomless rocking chair. Later she displays physical inability
when she asks her son Robert about helping with some yard work, which
sciences. On the other hand, over the last decade it has plummeted
economically. A big factor for this massive downfall is
Chinese banking and finance. In this arrangement, Dorn argued, "the .
Talk to ya
micheil"
The cliffhanger ending is a killer.
jien-jin offers to helo me "Maker her happy," throws in an offer and then says:
"speaker realizes his father is dead, he can start to overcome the .
traditional by emphasizing the language of Baumer?s.
l sign creator implies a higher authority that no longer involves with the
lives of the inconsequential individuals below. Wilson, an inhabitant of the
V.
igantov"
Etille asks "how big can ur unit get," also offers some product and then some information that might come in handy:
"The Count of Monte Cristo. Dumas, born July 24, 1802, wrote The Count of
Monte Cristo from 1844 to 1845, the period in which the.
novel takes place. To countless people, this novel contains the genres of
adventure, Romantic, and moralistic tale. Alexandre D. itive side. This
event does not constitute a significant change. As Holden himself says,
"It's n.
Thank you
callum"
Lastly, eleric asks the eternal question, "Wanna raise ur thing 2 - 6 "
Again, details about whay he can do for my unit and then...
"ugh the bottomless rocking chair. Later she displays physical inability
when she asks her son Robert about helping with some yard work, which
sciences. On the other hand, over the last decade it has plummeted
economically. A big factor for this massive downfall is
Chinese banking and finance. In this arrangement, Dorn argued, "the .
Talk to ya
micheil"
The cliffhanger ending is a killer.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:23 AM
0 comments
Monday, March 13, 2006
Brad Pitt: Hunk or Horrorshow?
I fear the era of Prime Pitt has passed us by.
Stretching from Thelma & Louise clear through his work with David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club) and Ocean's 11 and 12, Pitt could do no wrong (save Meet Joe Black).
On one level I know that I should try to keep my distance from the sick celebrtity culture we now have. But on another level...I must express my concerns about this whole Angeline Jolie thing. It's just weird. Isn't it?
It's not just the dumping Jennifer Aniston part.
It's more the lame screwing your leading lady thing. And then adopting Asian children and cavorting around the Third World with her thing. It's all just ... flighty.
Anyway, Fancy Pants has pointed me to this fine article that digs a bit deeper into the Pitt psyche. Using photographic and psychological explorations, there is ample evidence to suggest that, like some kind of Super Twin, Pitt somehow assumes the characteristics of the woman he is dating. Whether it's the ever-changing hair colour or shifting his posture to emulate Gwyneth Paltrow, there is some challenging stuff here. Think about it!
P.S. I just wanted to throw in these pictures of Jared Leto, having put on 60-odd pounds for his film role as the guy who killed John Lennon. (I won't write the guy's name because his whole goal was to get his name mentioned alongside Lennon's and writing that name, or, say, making a movie about him, only helps him further accomplish that goal while Lennon stays dead).
Anyway, it all ties together because if there is one person chicks love as much as pre-Angelina Brad Pitt it's one Jordan Catalano.
And because Pitt kicked his ass mightily in Fight Club. Well, actually Ed Norton did it but (SPOILER!) they're really the same guy so, whatever.
Stretching from Thelma & Louise clear through his work with David Fincher (Se7en, Fight Club) and Ocean's 11 and 12, Pitt could do no wrong (save Meet Joe Black).
On one level I know that I should try to keep my distance from the sick celebrtity culture we now have. But on another level...I must express my concerns about this whole Angeline Jolie thing. It's just weird. Isn't it?
It's not just the dumping Jennifer Aniston part.
It's more the lame screwing your leading lady thing. And then adopting Asian children and cavorting around the Third World with her thing. It's all just ... flighty.
Anyway, Fancy Pants has pointed me to this fine article that digs a bit deeper into the Pitt psyche. Using photographic and psychological explorations, there is ample evidence to suggest that, like some kind of Super Twin, Pitt somehow assumes the characteristics of the woman he is dating. Whether it's the ever-changing hair colour or shifting his posture to emulate Gwyneth Paltrow, there is some challenging stuff here. Think about it!
P.S. I just wanted to throw in these pictures of Jared Leto, having put on 60-odd pounds for his film role as the guy who killed John Lennon. (I won't write the guy's name because his whole goal was to get his name mentioned alongside Lennon's and writing that name, or, say, making a movie about him, only helps him further accomplish that goal while Lennon stays dead).Anyway, it all ties together because if there is one person chicks love as much as pre-Angelina Brad Pitt it's one Jordan Catalano.
And because Pitt kicked his ass mightily in Fight Club. Well, actually Ed Norton did it but (SPOILER!) they're really the same guy so, whatever.
posted by Heavy Early at 3:27 PM
1 comments
Random Thought - Comedy
Most professional funny people (comedians, writers, actors) are either Canadian or Jewish.
This probably - if you ask boring sociologists - has something to with being "The Other."
Whatever.
The funniest non-Jewish, non-Canadian?
Christopher Guest. (Robin Williams in his prime, maybe. The last decade has been way too hit and miss.)
Now you know.
This probably - if you ask boring sociologists - has something to with being "The Other."
Whatever.
The funniest non-Jewish, non-Canadian?
Christopher Guest. (Robin Williams in his prime, maybe. The last decade has been way too hit and miss.)
Now you know.
posted by Heavy Early at 3:25 PM
1 comments
Annie Proulx goes nuts
Annie Proulx wrote the short story upon which Brokeback Mountain is based and is apparently taking it awfuly hard that said film lost the Best Picture to Crash.
In this "essay" she wrote for the Guardian she basically lambasts everything about the Academy Awards - some of which is fair game. Unfortunately the whole thing is coloured by her over-the-top jealous rage.
Some of it can be taken as tongue-in-cheek but then she writes something like:
"And rumour has it that Lions Gate inundated the academy voters with DVD copies of Trash - excuse me - Crash a few weeks before the ballot deadline."
...and you can't help but wonder if a Pulitzer Prize winning writer couldn't be a bit cooler, or at least more mature, about the whole thing.
She ends by writing, "For those who call this little piece a Sour Grapes Rant, play it as it lays."
But it's far too late to use that cop-out. Read and revel at the insanity.
For what it's worth - I enjoyed both films but must confess that while I'm not entirely sure it's BEST PICTURE!, Crash has stayed with me more. There are twin backlashes that baffle me:
1) That Crash is a simplistic, preachy fluffy piece of nothing but liberal tripe.
2) That people who voted for Crash did so because they didn't want to reward a movie about a pair of homosexuals. In rewarding Crash and at least nominating BM, they could have their bleeding heart cake and eat it boo.
Bullshit says I, to both of the above.
Brokeback lost and if you liked it more, that's just fine. But don't give me all this anti-homosexual stuff to explain it. There is no grand conspiracy and since the Oscar votes are secret you will never know if it lost by 1 vote or 100.
Get over it.
I like Gladiator and Shakespeare in Love and can still enjoy them even though every viewing reminds me that Traffic and Saving Private Ryan , respectively, should have taken the Oscar over them. It's not the end of the world!
Time will tell and I'm sure some of the nominees (Munich comes to mind) will fare quite will with age.
In this "essay" she wrote for the Guardian she basically lambasts everything about the Academy Awards - some of which is fair game. Unfortunately the whole thing is coloured by her over-the-top jealous rage.
Some of it can be taken as tongue-in-cheek but then she writes something like:
"And rumour has it that Lions Gate inundated the academy voters with DVD copies of Trash - excuse me - Crash a few weeks before the ballot deadline."
...and you can't help but wonder if a Pulitzer Prize winning writer couldn't be a bit cooler, or at least more mature, about the whole thing.
She ends by writing, "For those who call this little piece a Sour Grapes Rant, play it as it lays."
But it's far too late to use that cop-out. Read and revel at the insanity.
For what it's worth - I enjoyed both films but must confess that while I'm not entirely sure it's BEST PICTURE!, Crash has stayed with me more. There are twin backlashes that baffle me:
1) That Crash is a simplistic, preachy fluffy piece of nothing but liberal tripe.
2) That people who voted for Crash did so because they didn't want to reward a movie about a pair of homosexuals. In rewarding Crash and at least nominating BM, they could have their bleeding heart cake and eat it boo.
Bullshit says I, to both of the above.
Brokeback lost and if you liked it more, that's just fine. But don't give me all this anti-homosexual stuff to explain it. There is no grand conspiracy and since the Oscar votes are secret you will never know if it lost by 1 vote or 100.
Get over it.
I like Gladiator and Shakespeare in Love and can still enjoy them even though every viewing reminds me that Traffic and Saving Private Ryan , respectively, should have taken the Oscar over them. It's not the end of the world!
Time will tell and I'm sure some of the nominees (Munich comes to mind) will fare quite will with age.
posted by Heavy Early at 3:15 PM
0 comments
Diesel Powered!
I'm intrigued by this new Vin Diesel movie, Find Me Guilty, for all sorts of reasons.First there is the very concept of Diesel in a movie directed Sidney Lumet.
Then there is the hair. Is it real? Is it a piece? Is this an acting choice comparable to Rene Zellwegger packing it on for Bridget Jones or DeNiro for Raging Bull?
Either way, I provide for your entertainment two indespensible Vin Diesel resources.
1) Crank call your friends AS Vin Diesel! Hours of fun, truly.
2) Learn random facts you simply did not know about the hunky thespian.
Samples include:
"It takes Vin Diesel 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes."
and
"Vin Diesel invented bacon completely by accident in 1794 when he attempted to play his own version of tennis with his neighbor's prize winning hog and a frying pan."
posted by Heavy Early at 3:14 PM
0 comments
Spam of the Day
A lot of ho hum spams today.
You have to dig to find a quality subject line like "flaky kong anorthic" or "exotic hothead rub."
I was worried I wouldn't even have a Spam of the Day until this one showed up:
"Are you tired of screwing hores because the normal women wont sleep with you?"
That's the subject. The body offers a solution to the (expensive) problem:
"If you use Ultr@ Allure Pherom0nes, $he‚ll l0se her m1nd just by talking to you. "
Tell me if you need the contact info.
You have to dig to find a quality subject line like "flaky kong anorthic" or "exotic hothead rub."
I was worried I wouldn't even have a Spam of the Day until this one showed up:
"Are you tired of screwing hores because the normal women wont sleep with you?"
That's the subject. The body offers a solution to the (expensive) problem:
"If you use Ultr@ Allure Pherom0nes, $he‚ll l0se her m1nd just by talking to you. "
Tell me if you need the contact info.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:21 AM
0 comments
Thursday, March 09, 2006
Spam of the Day
Since I'm not at work I don't have as wide an array of spam from which to select but here is today's winner:
seductìve susän (her email is tisbjdsgf@tuaignmfudg.plif you want to get in touch), says, "Lets have a SêXathon."
She then provides a web link.
Inexplicably, (the umlauts suggested German to me), she lapses into Spanish:
Usted ha dicho qu informe se pidio inmediatamente después de ser nombrada la señoraMartinez de Aguilar, cuando lo ciertormv es que la misma llevaba ya casi un
I'd like to meet her...but I hope we can breech the language barrier.
seductìve susän (her email is tisbjdsgf@tuaignmfudg.plif you want to get in touch), says, "Lets have a SêXathon."
She then provides a web link.
Inexplicably, (the umlauts suggested German to me), she lapses into Spanish:
Usted ha dicho qu informe se pidio inmediatamente después de ser nombrada la señoraMartinez de Aguilar, cuando lo ciertormv es que la misma llevaba ya casi un
I'd like to meet her...but I hope we can breech the language barrier.
posted by Heavy Early at 11:12 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
Catching Up
On the off chance you are a regular reader, my apologies.
I'm not at work this week so, as you can see, no time!
Here are just some of the fascinating things going on in the world:
-Rick Mercer is auctioning off the Liberal leadership on Ebay. This is kinda funny - but only a 6.5/10 for Mercer et al. A perfect 10 would be the Stockwell/Doris Day petition.
-In a freaky upset, the Canadian team beat the Americans in this World Baseball Classic thingie. I don't really know what it is but I do know that it's cool Ernie Whitt and Buck Martinez are managing the two teams and that we kicked their asses.
-In a nearly as freaky upset, the Toronto Maple Leafs won last night over the Montreal Canadiens. The illusion of looming playoff contention thus persists. And now they've strengthened their blue line by adding Luke Richardson because, apparently...they had an extra 5th round draft pick and REALLY wanted to trade SOMETHING for SOMETHING.
-They discovered a new kind of crustacean. I know - whoopee do. But it's called Kiwa hirsuta and it looks like a fuzzy lobster. Both of these would make awesome band names -especially the latter. Don't use it - I've called it. Fuzzy Lobster will be rocking out soon.
-Teri Hatcher first came to my attention as Kiki - Sylvester Stallone's stripper sister in the very underrated classic, Tango and Cash. Then there was the Seinfeld "They're real and they're spectacular" thing and Lois & Clark. She was a fine looking woman but somewhere in the last year she's gotten a bit freaky.
Putting that aside - it's not that I don't sympathize with her plight but if I was deciding to announce to the world that my uncle sexually abused me as a child...I just wonder if a Vanity Fair cover article would be HOW I would do it. But the news is everywhere and that should ensure that they move at least as many issues as last month's two-naked-chicks-and-one-gay-guy cover and the Linday Lohan eating-disorder cover. 2006 is a banner year for journalism already.
Note: Would you believe that CTV news started talking about Hatcher (and Vanity Fair, of course!) as I was typing this? I'm sure millions of abused children are safer already.
That's enough for now.
I'm not at work this week so, as you can see, no time!
Here are just some of the fascinating things going on in the world:
-Rick Mercer is auctioning off the Liberal leadership on Ebay. This is kinda funny - but only a 6.5/10 for Mercer et al. A perfect 10 would be the Stockwell/Doris Day petition.
-In a freaky upset, the Canadian team beat the Americans in this World Baseball Classic thingie. I don't really know what it is but I do know that it's cool Ernie Whitt and Buck Martinez are managing the two teams and that we kicked their asses.
-In a nearly as freaky upset, the Toronto Maple Leafs won last night over the Montreal Canadiens. The illusion of looming playoff contention thus persists. And now they've strengthened their blue line by adding Luke Richardson because, apparently...they had an extra 5th round draft pick and REALLY wanted to trade SOMETHING for SOMETHING.
-They discovered a new kind of crustacean. I know - whoopee do. But it's called Kiwa hirsuta and it looks like a fuzzy lobster. Both of these would make awesome band names -especially the latter. Don't use it - I've called it. Fuzzy Lobster will be rocking out soon.
-Teri Hatcher first came to my attention as Kiki - Sylvester Stallone's stripper sister in the very underrated classic, Tango and Cash. Then there was the Seinfeld "They're real and they're spectacular" thing and Lois & Clark. She was a fine looking woman but somewhere in the last year she's gotten a bit freaky.
Putting that aside - it's not that I don't sympathize with her plight but if I was deciding to announce to the world that my uncle sexually abused me as a child...I just wonder if a Vanity Fair cover article would be HOW I would do it. But the news is everywhere and that should ensure that they move at least as many issues as last month's two-naked-chicks-and-one-gay-guy cover and the Linday Lohan eating-disorder cover. 2006 is a banner year for journalism already.
Note: Would you believe that CTV news started talking about Hatcher (and Vanity Fair, of course!) as I was typing this? I'm sure millions of abused children are safer already.
That's enough for now.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:21 PM
0 comments
Monday, March 06, 2006
Natalie Portman Rap
Once again, the SNL Digital Short was the funniest thing on the show.
It's not quite as funny as the Chronicles of Naria rap - but it's in the same league.
Also it's a great indicator of why there's no point bleeping curse words when you can tell what they are anyway. When Natalie Portman says you can "suck my dick!" you pretty much get the message.
It's not quite as funny as the Chronicles of Naria rap - but it's in the same league.
Also it's a great indicator of why there's no point bleeping curse words when you can tell what they are anyway. When Natalie Portman says you can "suck my dick!" you pretty much get the message.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:30 AM
0 comments
Saturday, March 04, 2006
The Real World
Today sure was an exciting Canadian news day for a Saturday!
-They finally settled the RIM/NTP lawsuit so people can (shocker) keep using their Blackberries.
-This is good - Stephen Harper ran his election campaign all about ethics, strengthening the role of the Ethics Commissioner and so forth. Now the commish is looking into HIM (for luring a former Liberal to cross the floor) and he's all pissy about it. Hypocrite politicians are nothing new but this is one twisted little story!
-The dude(s) who stole a pair of 'priceless' slippers from the Bata Shoe Museum decided to return them all mysterious-like after police publicized a picture of "parties of interest" yesterday.
-Paul McCartney went on Larry King and debated the premier of Newfoundland on the seal hunt (and got Newfoundland and PEI confused).
-Unable to sell her digs, Avril Lavigne has resorted to the old "I'm famous - NOW do you want to buy my house?" trick.
You see? Good news day.
-They finally settled the RIM/NTP lawsuit so people can (shocker) keep using their Blackberries.
-This is good - Stephen Harper ran his election campaign all about ethics, strengthening the role of the Ethics Commissioner and so forth. Now the commish is looking into HIM (for luring a former Liberal to cross the floor) and he's all pissy about it. Hypocrite politicians are nothing new but this is one twisted little story!
-The dude(s) who stole a pair of 'priceless' slippers from the Bata Shoe Museum decided to return them all mysterious-like after police publicized a picture of "parties of interest" yesterday.
-Paul McCartney went on Larry King and debated the premier of Newfoundland on the seal hunt (and got Newfoundland and PEI confused).
-Unable to sell her digs, Avril Lavigne has resorted to the old "I'm famous - NOW do you want to buy my house?" trick.
You see? Good news day.
posted by Heavy Early at 4:56 PM
1 comments
The Scott Stapp Saga
The odyssey of the Scott Stapp-Kid Rock sex tape continues it's golden goodness.
The latest is Kid Rock letting loose, calling Stapp an idiot for not keeping an eye on the tape.
There's lots of choice goodness here.
-First, the indignity of being called an "idiot" by Kid Rock.
-Secondly, the knowledge that in 1999, at least, Rock was kicking it in his motor home ( in a trailer park, I presume)
-Thirdly, the joy of Stapp thinking the tape leak is meant to destroy his career. I thought that was what his solo album was for? (Rim shot!)
And let me use this opportunity to once, again, link to the story of Scott Stapp being embarassed by the entire youth population of Gainesville while on a failed booty call.
The latest is Kid Rock letting loose, calling Stapp an idiot for not keeping an eye on the tape.
There's lots of choice goodness here.
-First, the indignity of being called an "idiot" by Kid Rock.
-Secondly, the knowledge that in 1999, at least, Rock was kicking it in his motor home ( in a trailer park, I presume)
-Thirdly, the joy of Stapp thinking the tape leak is meant to destroy his career. I thought that was what his solo album was for? (Rim shot!)
And let me use this opportunity to once, again, link to the story of Scott Stapp being embarassed by the entire youth population of Gainesville while on a failed booty call.
posted by Heavy Early at 4:50 PM
0 comments
Muppet Coolness
How did I miss this before?
This web site has the Muppets - especially Waldorf and Statler - offering commentary on the movies.
This week,of course, they are commenting on the Oscars and, man, there is some funny stuff in there. Make sure you watch the bit with the envelope and the streeter with the opossum. Good to see the two vets are still getting work!
posted by Heavy Early at 4:46 PM
1 comments
Thursday, March 02, 2006
Random Thoughts - Good Tunes
One perk of being a quasi-journalist is access to some great music I otherwise might not have come across.
It might not amount to a hill of beans but here are a few CDs you really should get or at least listen to. This set all happen to be in something of a sorta-alt-country vein.
Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat
-Beautiful stuff that's part pop, part gospel, part Tom Petty-type rock...it's just got delicious soul. It's even got a wonderful little cover of "Handle With Care."
Skydiggers & Cash Brothers -
-Harmonies tight enough to dazzle an Everly Brother. This one is a long time coming for Toronto music fans and I have a feeling that you might like it. Yes, you.
Neko Case -Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
She's already pretty well known amongst people who care about the good kind of music that never hits the radio. Great country-flavoured pop with old-school reverb and little hints of perfect darkness. Plus she's an honourary Canadian.
Loose Fur - Born Again the USA
If you don't know, this is the second album from what is essentially a Wilco side project. Jeff Tweedy, uber-producer Jim O'Rourke and drummer Glenn Kotchke have put together something that's just great. The music and lyrics are nothing but fun and a bit tongue-in-cheek. It's poppy, it's got elements of 70s-prog rock and, well - it's just plain fun. (And it doesn't come out until March 21 which makes me moderately cool amongst those who respect that kind of thing.)
How fun are they?
Why don't you enjoy reading the press release (clicking should enlarge) or watch the video below. It's official but on YouTube rather than MTV. And it features heroes who look like a bit like the Power Rangers.
It might not amount to a hill of beans but here are a few CDs you really should get or at least listen to. This set all happen to be in something of a sorta-alt-country vein.
Jenny Lewis & The Watson Twins - Rabbit Fur Coat-Beautiful stuff that's part pop, part gospel, part Tom Petty-type rock...it's just got delicious soul. It's even got a wonderful little cover of "Handle With Care."
Skydiggers & Cash Brothers -
-Harmonies tight enough to dazzle an Everly Brother. This one is a long time coming for Toronto music fans and I have a feeling that you might like it. Yes, you.
Neko Case -Fox Confessor Brings the Flood
She's already pretty well known amongst people who care about the good kind of music that never hits the radio. Great country-flavoured pop with old-school reverb and little hints of perfect darkness. Plus she's an honourary Canadian.
Loose Fur - Born Again the USAIf you don't know, this is the second album from what is essentially a Wilco side project. Jeff Tweedy, uber-producer Jim O'Rourke and drummer Glenn Kotchke have put together something that's just great. The music and lyrics are nothing but fun and a bit tongue-in-cheek. It's poppy, it's got elements of 70s-prog rock and, well - it's just plain fun. (And it doesn't come out until March 21 which makes me moderately cool amongst those who respect that kind of thing.)
How fun are they?
Why don't you enjoy reading the press release (clicking should enlarge) or watch the video below. It's official but on YouTube rather than MTV. And it features heroes who look like a bit like the Power Rangers.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:42 PM
0 comments
And a quick Ali G thing
While I was on YouTube I remembered that they have this clip.
I didn't get Ali G at all until I saw this insanely brilliant bit with Andy Rooney. (See, Andy doesn't get that he is playing a role AT ALL).
And an awesome Borat clip too...
I didn't get Ali G at all until I saw this insanely brilliant bit with Andy Rooney. (See, Andy doesn't get that he is playing a role AT ALL).
And an awesome Borat clip too...
posted by Heavy Early at 8:30 PM
0 comments
"Cutie Pie Buskers"
This isn't earth shaking but is about 30 seconds of amusement.
Also, it's a nice little bit of localness ending up on the front page of YouTube - at least for the day.
Also, it's a nice little bit of localness ending up on the front page of YouTube - at least for the day.
posted by Heavy Early at 8:27 PM
0 comments
Spam of the Day
This one is mostly straightforward"
" Hope that you have seen German porn film$ or not even
Germ@n where guys with monstrous cocks fuck lots of sexy sluts.
Have you ever had an idea that you can do the same?
Advanced Gain Pro Pills is what you need to make your dream true."
So, these pills....they teach me German?
What if I've only seen Polish or Hungarian porn? Is that close enough to give me an idea of what you are talking about here?
So many questions...this is not nearly as straightforward as I first thought...
" Hope that you have seen German porn film$ or not even
Germ@n where guys with monstrous cocks fuck lots of sexy sluts.
Have you ever had an idea that you can do the same?
Advanced Gain Pro Pills is what you need to make your dream true."
So, these pills....they teach me German?
What if I've only seen Polish or Hungarian porn? Is that close enough to give me an idea of what you are talking about here?
So many questions...this is not nearly as straightforward as I first thought...
posted by Heavy Early at 12:45 PM
0 comments
Greenish Gold
Toronto is a very multicultural city and that means that if you've been around long enough, you've seen a Chinese person hoark up a wad of phlegm while walking down the street. Rack it up to cultural differences - no harm, no foul.
But Beijing is prepping for the 2008 Olympics (Which they stole from Toronto, but that's another story) and trying to clean up their act , and their sidewalks.
The City's Ethical and Cultural department is trying to get people to let loose into a bag or dustbin instead of the pavement.
"The office has organized a small army of volunteers who are hitting Beijing's streets to hand out small "spit bags" and wearing bright orange uniforms with the Chinese character for "mucous" emblazoned in yellow on the back."
Between the guys with "Snot" written on their back and that delicious throaty sound...well, it just sounds like a choice environment for the world to come together in a spirit of unity and competition and stuff. Dontcha think?
Anyway, once they have the litter and snot taken care of they are gonna start dealing with those pesky human rights issues. On the other hand, if they weren't a problem for Juan Antonio Samaranch (former IOC head and minister in the facist Franco governmment) why should they be a problem for me?
But Beijing is prepping for the 2008 Olympics (Which they stole from Toronto, but that's another story) and trying to clean up their act , and their sidewalks.
The City's Ethical and Cultural department is trying to get people to let loose into a bag or dustbin instead of the pavement.
"The office has organized a small army of volunteers who are hitting Beijing's streets to hand out small "spit bags" and wearing bright orange uniforms with the Chinese character for "mucous" emblazoned in yellow on the back."
Between the guys with "Snot" written on their back and that delicious throaty sound...well, it just sounds like a choice environment for the world to come together in a spirit of unity and competition and stuff. Dontcha think?
Anyway, once they have the litter and snot taken care of they are gonna start dealing with those pesky human rights issues. On the other hand, if they weren't a problem for Juan Antonio Samaranch (former IOC head and minister in the facist Franco governmment) why should they be a problem for me?
posted by Heavy Early at 9:52 AM
0 comments
Ralph Klein - again
I had no idea that Ralph Klein, Premier of Alberta, would figure soprominently in my blogging but, gosh darn it, he's just such acharacter.
This time he's in hot (well,lukewarm) water for tossing a booklet full of legislation at an innocent teenage page.
He's just that passionate about health care, folks.
And he did say sorry after.
This time he's in hot (well,lukewarm) water for tossing a booklet full of legislation at an innocent teenage page.
He's just that passionate about health care, folks.
And he did say sorry after.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:11 AM
0 comments
Wednesday, March 01, 2006
Random Thought - Corona
If you can return beer bottles for deposit, and you've had a Corona or two...how the heck do you get the lime out of there when you're done? Or does the beer store take em back anyway?
posted by Heavy Early at 9:27 PM
0 comments
Oscar Fun
Do you know which of your Oscar picks has the most curse words?
It turns out that Crash takes the prize with 182 naughty words - more than 50% of those involving the dreaded "F-Bomb."
The dirtiest Best Picture ever? Platoon with 329 curse words.
It's so great we have the people at the Family Media Guide to tell us these things.
What OTHER great things do they tell us?
Well, here are the stats on Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
F-word(248), A*s(34), A*shole(3), Balls(3), B*stard(2), B*tch(34), C*ck(8), Damn(8), D*ck(14), God Damn(1), Hell(15), Jesus(5), N*gger(2), P*ssy(3), Sh*t(87)
There is no nudity but:
A woman kisses a man on the lips. A man’s erection can be seen though his pants. A man lowers his head towards another man’s groin; implying he is going to perform oral sex. A woman touches her breasts in a sexual manner.
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is in the same league but, amazingly, with only about 1/2 of the fucks!
F-word(139), A*s(28), A*shole(2), Balls(4), B*stard(8), B*tch(68), C*ck(8), C*m(1), Damn(7), D*ck(8), God Damn(5), Hell(5), P*ssy(3), Sh*t(50)
I could do this all day. It's not that I'm mocking what they're doing,r eally. It's just funny to see it written out, isn't it? Like Jay and Silent Bob beat South Park 2-0 if you're comparing "nigger"s but they are tied 3-3 on the "pussy" thing. Nice.
Where was I?
On a semi-related note, Hollywood columnist Army Archerd has scored the dope on how Hustle & Flow's "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," (which IS a catchy tune) will be performed at the Oscars.
Says Archerd:
["The song contains] 10 repeated words which would not pass network clearances. They are "fuck," "shit" and "niggaz."
Producer Gil Cates says when he informed the trio that those words would have to be changed, they immediately told him they'd alter 'em. Meanwhile, Cates said "bitch" and "ho's" are ok since they're already heard on network shows. "
Sweet!
It turns out that Crash takes the prize with 182 naughty words - more than 50% of those involving the dreaded "F-Bomb."
The dirtiest Best Picture ever? Platoon with 329 curse words.
It's so great we have the people at the Family Media Guide to tell us these things.
What OTHER great things do they tell us?
Well, here are the stats on Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
F-word(248), A*s(34), A*shole(3), Balls(3), B*stard(2), B*tch(34), C*ck(8), Damn(8), D*ck(14), God Damn(1), Hell(15), Jesus(5), N*gger(2), P*ssy(3), Sh*t(87)
There is no nudity but:
A woman kisses a man on the lips. A man’s erection can be seen though his pants. A man lowers his head towards another man’s groin; implying he is going to perform oral sex. A woman touches her breasts in a sexual manner.
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut is in the same league but, amazingly, with only about 1/2 of the fucks!
F-word(139), A*s(28), A*shole(2), Balls(4), B*stard(8), B*tch(68), C*ck(8), C*m(1), Damn(7), D*ck(8), God Damn(5), Hell(5), P*ssy(3), Sh*t(50)
I could do this all day. It's not that I'm mocking what they're doing,r eally. It's just funny to see it written out, isn't it? Like Jay and Silent Bob beat South Park 2-0 if you're comparing "nigger"s but they are tied 3-3 on the "pussy" thing. Nice.
Where was I?
On a semi-related note, Hollywood columnist Army Archerd has scored the dope on how Hustle & Flow's "It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp," (which IS a catchy tune) will be performed at the Oscars.
Says Archerd:
["The song contains] 10 repeated words which would not pass network clearances. They are "fuck," "shit" and "niggaz."
Producer Gil Cates says when he informed the trio that those words would have to be changed, they immediately told him they'd alter 'em. Meanwhile, Cates said "bitch" and "ho's" are ok since they're already heard on network shows. "
Sweet!
posted by Heavy Early at 6:58 PM
0 comments
Jimmy doesn't like Saddam aping his style
There has been all sorts of wackiness - far too much to recount - in the Saddam Hussein trial to date.
Somehow it has thus far eluded me, however, that Saddam likes to refer to himself in the third person. This means that the court transcripts contain quotes like:
"So do you think I'm going to deny responsibility or rely on others? Saddam is going to take responsibility. It's a critical time and Saddam is not going to duck his responsibility."
There's nothing funny about murderous dictators...but there is something funny about that.
posted by Heavy Early at 6:54 PM
0 comments
Margaret Atwood - is there anything she can't do?
Man, oh, man.
One of our most celebrated authors has invented a robot that allows her to sign books from anywhere in the world.
D-A-M-N - that's clever, that is.
One of our most celebrated authors has invented a robot that allows her to sign books from anywhere in the world.
D-A-M-N - that's clever, that is.
posted by Heavy Early at 10:13 AM
0 comments
All is right in the world
Man - will the Olympics ever end? Something just seems so wrong!
What?
The Toronto Maple Leafs are back to losing games? Even being laughed at by the other team?
Pat Quinn is reduced to admitting, "Maybe we're not as good as we thought we were," which begs the question - they thought they were good?
Don't worry, Pat - your job is safe and we'll keep coming to the games. I was just havin' a little fun, is all!
What?
The Toronto Maple Leafs are back to losing games? Even being laughed at by the other team?
Pat Quinn is reduced to admitting, "Maybe we're not as good as we thought we were," which begs the question - they thought they were good?
Don't worry, Pat - your job is safe and we'll keep coming to the games. I was just havin' a little fun, is all!
posted by Heavy Early at 10:10 AM
0 comments
Ralphie - You'll shoot your eye out!
Oh, I do love Ralph Klein.
Even in this young blog I know I've already written about him at least once. And it's incumbent upon anyone who sits to his political left to mention - every time his name comes up - the time he drunkenly berated homeless people. Fear not, he was re-elected.
This time, however, all he's doing is challenging the structure of our national health care system (see how nicely it dovetails with the Malcom Gladwell thing I posted yesterday)?
I like everything about this, from Klein thinking it's fair to queue-jump to Tony Clement's return to cabinet form by dodging questions wherever he can. After all, it's Stephen Harper's job, not his, to backtrack on election promises before Parliament even starts sitting.
Y'know, I like Alberta just fine. They're as much a part of "my Canada" as Quebec.
Butif you took away their oil it'd be an awful lot like if you took away Saudi Arabia's oil - a little bit of luck with geology doesn't give youthe right to start acting like you own the place.
Even in this young blog I know I've already written about him at least once. And it's incumbent upon anyone who sits to his political left to mention - every time his name comes up - the time he drunkenly berated homeless people. Fear not, he was re-elected.
This time, however, all he's doing is challenging the structure of our national health care system (see how nicely it dovetails with the Malcom Gladwell thing I posted yesterday)?
I like everything about this, from Klein thinking it's fair to queue-jump to Tony Clement's return to cabinet form by dodging questions wherever he can. After all, it's Stephen Harper's job, not his, to backtrack on election promises before Parliament even starts sitting.
Y'know, I like Alberta just fine. They're as much a part of "my Canada" as Quebec.
Butif you took away their oil it'd be an awful lot like if you took away Saudi Arabia's oil - a little bit of luck with geology doesn't give youthe right to start acting like you own the place.
posted by Heavy Early at 9:43 AM
0 comments
Spam of the Day
Previously I have posted random words that have a poetic bent but today I got a genuine poem:
Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air
That crossed me from sweet things,
The flow of - was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Down hill at dusk?
I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they re gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.
I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.
Now no joy but lacks salt
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain
Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.
When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand
The hurt is not enough:
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.
THEN they had to go and ruin it all by attaching a Trojan virus. What ever happened to romance??
Honourable mention goes to these guys who are clearly covering all their bases with similar - but DIFFERENT - subject lines:
"Eradicate all that you are indebted for with out mailing an other dollar"
"Abolish all that you are indebted for not even mailing an other dollar"
and, that old chestnut,
"Do away with everything you are indebted for with out sending an other cent."
Love at the lips was touch
As sweet as I could bear;
And once that seemed too much;
I lived on air
That crossed me from sweet things,
The flow of - was it musk
From hidden grapevine springs
Down hill at dusk?
I had the swirl and ache
From sprays of honeysuckle
That when they re gathered shake
Dew on the knuckle.
I craved strong sweets, but those
Seemed strong when I was young;
The petal of the rose
It was that stung.
Now no joy but lacks salt
That is not dashed with pain
And weariness and fault;
I crave the stain
Of tears, the aftermark
Of almost too much love,
The sweet of bitter bark
And burning clove.
When stiff and sore and scarred
I take away my hand
From leaning on it hard
In grass and sand
The hurt is not enough:
I long for weight and strength
To feel the earth as rough
To all my length.
THEN they had to go and ruin it all by attaching a Trojan virus. What ever happened to romance??
Honourable mention goes to these guys who are clearly covering all their bases with similar - but DIFFERENT - subject lines:
"Eradicate all that you are indebted for with out mailing an other dollar"
"Abolish all that you are indebted for not even mailing an other dollar"
and, that old chestnut,
"Do away with everything you are indebted for with out sending an other cent."
posted by Heavy Early at 9:32 AM
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About Me
- Name: Heavy Early
- Location: Toronto, Ontario, Canada
I hate questionnaires that imply a few rote answers will give you some sense of The Real Me.
Random Everchanging Links
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Previous Posts
- Bond IX (finally) - The Man with the Golden Gun
- Bond VIII - Live and Let Die
- Bond VII - Diamonds are Forever
- Bond VI - On Her Majesty's Secret Service
- Bond V - You Only Live Twice
- Bond IV - Thunderball
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- Blogging Bond - Part 1
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