The News in Brief: Hell in a Handbasket

Continuing in the Ashley MacIsaac vein, here are a few stories you do not need to read to "get."

-Stephen Harper is our prime minister and sometimes he is fat. And he doesn't wanna meet Brigitte Bardot in this condition.

-I'm proud to say that I saw the headline declaring "Camilla" to be the winner of some "spouse of the year" poll - and I had no idea who "Camilla" was (ie NOT Gonzo's chicken friend).

-Some Canadian guy was on The Apprentice. Then he got fired. He likes to eat bagels.

-BUSH is facing MOUNTING criticism about his PULLOUT. Really.

-Utah Jazz forward Carlos Boozer is upset Prince painted his mansion purple.

-Mike Tyson, in town for the World Cage Fighting Championships, is sorry for being so, like, violent.

-And lastly, in local news. Some kid managed to steal a fire truck and take it for a joyride. The Globe and Mail, Canada's proverbial paper of record, refers to the enterprising youth as a "hoser" in its headline.

As the article states, fire trucks don't have keys. "Instead, drivers press a number of knobs in the correct sequence." Nonetheless, this "hoser" managed to figure it out, hit the siren and hit the road while the firefighters were doing something in the local Home Depot. Stealing is wrong...but it's funny.