Living With War

I'm through the first three tracks and VERY much digging the lovely on-line stream of the new Neil Young album, Living With War.

Dig it.

Spam of the Day

Dear me, I'm behind on my posting! Well it's a busy week at work.

Nonetheless, I should take a fast moment for a spam update. As of this moment I have nearly 1900 emails in my DELETED ITEMS folder - mostly spam.

Here are some facts!

14 offers for OEM software
17 gourmet coffee-related offers
45 approximate number of cialis-related offers
5 opportunities to "Abolish everything you owe not even paying another dime"
4 chances to get "Any med for your girl to be happy"
5 ways to "Clear the smoke. Kick the Habit." (As seen on TV, natch!)
4 attempts at the old "file error notification" gambit
1 chance to get "gallons of hot cum"
8 opportunities to get a complimentary ringtone
17 offers that start with the word "get."
9 offers for various "good" drugs
8 "Hoodia" related offers
14 ways to improve my love life (i.e. "love" is in the subject)
46 generous people asking if I "need" help of any kind (erections, mortgates etc.)
5 kits to help me get started with Ebay
6 "Urgent notification"s
1 email from "Pants B. Zanzibar"

Pop Culture News

-Did you know that the people at American Idol aren't entirely honest??!!
According to Brian May who was on the show last week with his band Queen, they totally re-edited something that took place to make it look like he was criticizing a singer when that was not the case.

This is heartbreaking for me.
Next you're going to tell me that the vote system is a money grab that is not actually counted or tallied in any way.

If you actually like the show and think it is performing a service by discovering amazing, young talents...go drink your Coca Cola. That's what Randy wants, dawg.


-I've already bashed Jamie Foxx before.
Did you know that he just might be the saviour of soul music? Well, now you do.

-On a serious note, I am a fan of Kevin Smith's films. Some people ain't and that's fine. But he is an amazingly funny and forthright human being.

A few weeks ago the papers picked up on this small nugget Kevin had dropped during a speaking engagement about co-star and friend Jason Mewes getting fucked by Nicole Ritchie in a club bathroom. What they totally ignored was the story around this superficially salacious "story."

It was, in fact, a humorous ending to a very long, elaborate story of how Mewes had overcome heroin addiction. Smith has now posted the story in 9 long chapters on his blog. They are amazing in their honesty,the rawness of the tale and for the sheer depth of both the friendship between Smith and Mewes and Mewes own strength in overcoming his addiction. It's long but well worth the read, I assure you, when you have the time.

It starts here and if you start Part One, you will want to keep reading.

It goes without saying that the media outlets who picked up the Nicole Ritchie story have had nothing to say about this far more interesting story.

-Aren't you amazed I have nothing to say about Tom and Katie having their baby? Nothing from my arsenal of Scientology jokes? Nothing to offer about the coincidence of Brooke Shields popping hers out on the same day? You sure are.

If you want a hyperlink, go elsewhere, sucka!

-Lastly, if you haven't already heard, Neil Young has announced the imminent release of a quickly-produced protest album.

I first heard about it last week via this blog post cited within the article. A girl posted how lucky she had been to get invited to be in the 100-person choir for this new album - she was greeted with innumerable posts saying that it was all a hoax. The next week, Neil's announcement followed - so there.

The best part of the article is where it says how confusing this all is because, after 9/11, Young recorded a song ("Let's Roll") that celebrated the Americans who fought back on Fligh 93. By extension, of course, he supported Bush and every single element of the "War on Terror." Since the new album, Living With the War includes songs like "Impeach the President," I can see how that would be confusing...to some.

On his own web site, Young describes it as a metal version of Phil Ochs and Bob Dylan.

No official release date - but soon.

You can read the original blog post (and then her amazement at being called a liar!) here.

Random Thought - Tone Loc

I heard "Funky Cold Medina" on the radio this morning.
It's funny for about 30 seconds but, um, it hasn't aged so well.
It wasn't so good back then, it isn't so good now.
"Wild Thing" was always the stronger tune.
Marginally.

Past & Present

When I started this site I said that one thing I wanted to do was plug the efforts of more succesful and/or interesting friends and I've been falling down on the job so here is a meandering intro and a couple of plugs...

Many moons ago I was in a band. It even had an ancient web site!
When you're in a band you always have people trying to tell you who you sound like and we certainly heard interesting comparisons. Two totally separate people on two totally separate occasions mentioned The Replacements.
Now, no one in the band listened to The Replacements at all.
In fact, aside from being able to maaaaybe name Paul Westerberg, I doubt I could have told you anything about The 'Mats at all. Sad, right?

Well, since that time I have acquired an appreciation for the band. As for how much we sounded like them...I'm proud to say that we shared something of their spirit; a fun, pop-inspired but ever-so-slightly punky, ragged rock and roll. Having come to enjoy their music it's quite an honour to have been compared to them (as opposed to, say, Pearl Jam who - no offence - had nothing musically do to do with us).

The point of all this is that after years of hating each other the band has reunited to record two tracks for a greatest hits CD that comes out in June. Since all I have are shitty MP3s, I will be buying this baby on day one.

Anyway, one band alumn, Perry Perlmutar, is doing quite well for himself as a laugh-extractor. I meant to plug his co-headlining gig at The Laugh Resort the other week. Luckily I was able to make it down and see him handle this guy - who wasn't so much a heckler as a drunken buffoon - with aplomb.

He is also a star of stage and screen probably best known as "Guy in Toilet" in The Tuxedo, with Jackie Chan.

Now he's off to the prestigious Halifax Comedy Festival next week so, um, go see him!

More band alum - the Fantabulously Famous Wiskin Brothers - will be hitting the stage at the Gypsy Co-Op this Friday, April 21. The band used to be called Auxiliary aka Guitarbus (don't ask) and is now called The Macrofunction aka Guitarbus which I'm not entirely sure is an improvement. NONETHELESS, they are fun and funky and I'm going to try to go because they've been in hiding for a bit. It's good to see em out and playing again.

They're not afraid to make their presence known on the web so seek more info here, or here...


Am I, in fact, the least succesful person I know? Time will tell.

Very Random Thought - Doctor Who

Man...that theme music from Doctor Who used to scare the bejeezus out of me.

You can hear it here - but make sure the lights are on, okay?

Here and here .

Spring has Sprung!

Due to a technical error, this is version two of a post that disappeared after being completed. Don't you hate when that happens? Hopefully I can capture the dry, biting humour of the original.

Okay....where was I?...right...

Spring is sprunging death is in full bloom. Even though we haven't had a real spring thaw here in Toronto, it's still the time of year for dead bodies to float ashore.

TWO were found this weekend. One in G. Ross Lord Park and one in Black Creek. How about that?

Across the sea, it's business as usual in Occupied Palestine. Of course killing Jews on Passover is something of a Hamas tradition so it shouldn't come as a surprise that when an enterprising Palestinian decides to set off a suicide bomb in Tel Aviv, the Palestinian Government are about the only ones who don't condemn it.


But there's good news if you're the type to root for our Arab underdog friends.
In a gross act of moral cowardice Canada, the USA and EU have all decided not to provide aid to the Hamas-led government. As at least one Toronto Star editor was brave enough to note, we are thus nipping a flourishing democracy in the bud and otherwise standing up for the strong Israelis at the expense of the weak Palestinians who we should be standing up for because, like, they're weak.

Anyway, there is a country out there with some cojones. A country that's not afraid to stand up against the forces of civilization and imperialism. Yes, Iran will be giving $50M to the Palestinian Authority.
And to think we could have been there first! Now that boat has sailed.

Well, when you live in a depraved society like I do in Canada, it's nice to know who you can really count on in a pinch.
It's good to know what side you're on.
And it's good to know who your friends are.

Back in Business

After several days of passover and a nasty 24-hour stomach flu, I'm back.
Before getting to anything remotely interesting, of course we must get to The Spam of the Day. After a long weekend I've been bombarded.

I received an email entitled "PREMIER" from the following people.
Overheads S. Disengaged
Wriggled U. Burnooses
Leash V. Drowsiness
Blindingly I. Movies
Roguish O. Timing
Bearskin G. Beelzebub
Domestics L. Seedy
Debtor H. Palpation

If that weren't enough, I got offers for "The Ultimate Online Pharmaceuticals" from:
Extravagances S. Hood
Moister U. Riddle
Creditable P. Scud
Methane M. Abrasive
Reorganize A. Genies
Leasehold D. Castigator
Gestation P. Tate
Poacher C. Sergei

You get the idea...

Spam of the Day

I waffled on posting this one, largely because I thought it MIIIIGHT not be Spam.
I'd hate to offend a poor 12-year-old kid who just wanted to express his love of Jesus. But they typos are far too sad for even a real 12-year-old and the sender comes up as "mffigjfhd gjjhkjki"so I'm going to celebrate little Anthony's bad poetry and hope no one gets hurt.

My personal favourite couplet?
"He died on a cross and was buried in a tomb of rock,
He rose from the dead, what a miracle, what a shock."

Good stuff. Here's the Spam....

Hello, my anme is Guy-Anthony Gagliano, and i am 12 yaers old, i ahve
written 2 poems for the easter season. i would grately appreciate it if you
can ptu them in the [WORKPLACE REMOVED]. That would we greatly appreiated. Thank
you

Jesus has risen!

Easter is almost here,
When Jesus died an angel did appear.
Jesus died, but then a miracle occurred,
Jesus rose from the dead, is what the apostles heard.
This change is truly fantastic,
This miracle was surly drastic.
Jesus has risen because he loves all of us here,
Jesus may have risen but he did not disappear.
Our soles like his now, may not be ignored,
We have been saved oh mighty lord.


The Reason for the Season

We are in the Easter season,
We should thank God, but do you know the reason.
He died on a cross and was buried in a tomb of rock,
He rose from the dead, what a miracle, what a shock.
This is very touching tom me,
It is like he saved us and we are now free.
Changing from one form to another is unreal,
But yet again Jesus and everything he does is ideal.
What Jesus did for us is truly unbelievable,
What God taught me is anything is achievable.

Random Thought - Sveiks!

Every now and then I see cars with this bumper sticker...it's got purple text and a kinda-clip-arty picture of grapes and it says, "Sveiks!"

I've always wondered what it meant.
Then I remembered the Internet.
It turns out it's Latvian for "Hello!" which means...well, that the person was probably Latvian. A bit of a letdown there.

On a related note, I could easily have a running thing on the blog where I list something stupid a driver did on my way to or from work. I won't do that.

But I will tell you one group of people I hate - the people who see a perfectly ordinary sewer grate/manhole cover on the ground and swerve around it as if the 1" bumbs will somehow fuck up the suspension on their Rav-4. Get over it!

Tee Hee Hee

Sometimes I just love "journalism."

Feel free to compare, for instance, these two fascinating articles - both hot off the proverbial press.


Hamas official says group ready for 'two-state' solution with Israel

and

Hamas denies ready for two-state solution

Bwa Ha Ha!

On a totally different note - I love this story about Oprah Winfrey allegedly paying for Jennifer Aniston's alleged wedding to Vince Vaughan.

It's probably not true but still...
Let me count the ways!
-I love that Jen is getting back at Brad by marrying HER next leading man
-I love that it's Vince Vaughan. In a good way - he's so cool and yet so not the guy who seems like he should be marrying Jennifer Aniston.
-I love that this alleged wedding could cost $8 million which seems extravagant by Hollywood standards.
-I love that Oprah Winfrey, philanthropist par excellence, has allegedly opted to fork over the dough so Jen's heart can be mended etc. etc.

A little Jesus, a little Jennifer - that's why people come to the Fleischmarket.

Judas priest!

It's funny - I read this story yesterday and thought it was neat but not all THAT exciting. And here it is, today, on the front page of my local rag.

Although it's taken a few years to accurately date and make presentable, the upshot is that this document was found in the 1970s and it dates back about 1,700 years and contains a narrative of Jesus' death in which Judas ain't such a bad guy.

In fact, he is portrayed as the most important apostle whose "betrayal" of Jesus was actually requested by Jesus himself.

This really shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone who has more than a cursory knowledge of early Christianity. The Gospels, which are the prime narratives of whatever Jesus' actual life might have been are both inter- and intra- condtradictory, not to mention filled with varying degrees of anti-Semitism. Also, they were written 300-400 years after his death by people with political agendas and, at best, fourth or fifth-hand knowledge of the man himself. They may well contain truth, but they are not THE Truth.

So it's not surprising that another contradictory narrative should surface.

Interestingly, the Judas revealed in the manuscript isn't all that different from the man protrayed in the book and film of The Last Temptation of Christ. Though the film in particular was underappreciated due to the protests of the self-appointed guardians of Christianity, it's a far more interesting, probing and spiritual exploration of what Jesus' life must have been like than certain other more recent, more successful films.

Last Temptation's Judas is the fulcrum upon which Jesus' sacrifice depends. He is, among all the apostles, the man who sees Jesus best, in all his glory and all his flaws. He is torn to pieces when Jesus tells him that God's plan, and Jesus' crucifixion cannot come to be without Judas making the greatest sacrifice. It's a powerful idea - it rings truer to history than the obviously anti-Jewish interpretation that has dominated Christian teachings.

If you are a Christian (which I am not) it should much more meaning to Jesus' death and sacrifice than the idea that he knew his death was inevitable and necessary and yet that it is the physical torture and death which are most deserving of further exploration and revelry.

That's enough seemingly off-topic ranting for the day.
If you care about this stuff at all - be it religion, archeology or how this affects your next viewing of Jesus Christ Superstar, it's worth reading an article or two about it. If the Da Vinci Code is the only book you've read about the relationship between Jesus' actual life and The Church, you might benifit from this as well.

Ass stuff

It's been a while since I had a really good, funny animal story to post, but here it is.

Basically the gist is that there is a textbook in India that not only compares wives to donkeys (okay, "LOYAL" donkeys) and goes so far as to say that the latter is a better investment.

Sample quote:
"While the housewife may sometimes complain and walk off to her parents' home, you'll never catch the donkey being disloyal to his master."

I'd like to attack the bigotry and close-mindedness, and I must admit I don't know all that much about donkeys but, really...it kinda strikes me as not too far from the truth...

American Idol = funny/sad

It was a tough day for me when I noticed that American Idol judge Randy Jackson once played bass on a Springsteen record. I bet he didn't have the balls to call Bruce, "Dawg."

Anyway, Springsteen fan site Backstreets thought they'd have a little fun with an April Fools Day posting. The alleged news was that Bruce would be on American Idol this week, coaching the kids through his songs a la Barry Manilow. No dice - it's artiste extraordinaire Kenny Rogers.

It's something of a relief that Bruce Springsteen still has enough artistic integrity for such a story to be an obvious joke as opposed to, say, Prince.

In a non-April Fools story, the following three facts are revealed about the Purple One:
-He hates American Idol
-He has never seen American Idol
-He is likely to appear on the show to help the sales of his new album

Nice.

the news comes from Pagesix.com which is a big boy when it comes to gossip, so take it with as many grains of salt as you see fit.

Lastly, I know it's simultaneously one of the highest rated shows in history and a patheticly lame easy target, but you still have to like the boys in Broken Social Scene taking it to the Canadian franchise and its spawn.

In the article, bandleader Kevin Drew says that "I feel really sorry for those kids in Canadian Idol because they're going absolutely nowhere," and I dare someone who is neither involved with the show, nor a teenager, to refute it.

Amusing Gawker Stuff

Who cares about this Katie Couric stuff? It's true - not since the buildup to the Iraq Invasion has so much been written about something that hasn't happened yet.

And it's about time I made a posting that actually included a picture. This one is a far out mindbender.
(I'lll fix the pic link when I get home!)

Press Release of the Day

There's nothing as good as an old fashioned misplaced modifier.Or even a word that's missing altogether, thus altering the context.
Take this choice nugget, for example:

POST MORTEM RESULTS IN MARKHAM HOMICIDE"

Mindfuck, eh?

Spam of the Day

I'm a few days behind so let's play Spam catch-up!

Here are some people who have emailed me lately:
Josefa D. Snakebite
Hooks J. Pinfeather
ingeborg sanchez (Juan Epstein's cousin?)
Canal P. Dichotomy
Covering G. Mayonnaise
Newsreel E. Unsolicited
Unimpressive S. Stinginess
Baying H. Boondocks
Tiddlywinks U. Thucydides
Alertness Q. Sidestep

In my opinion, it's the middle initial that really sells the reality; the quality.

Fun Stuff I Can't Do At Work

-It's been long-rumoured and long in development.
Recently word leaked out that voice recording had at least been started.
Whenpeople started posting on the net that a trailer had been slipped infront of ICE AGE 2 it was widely dismissed as April Fool's prankery.
But it ain't.
They really are making a Simpson's movie (insert "Awesome!" or "It'll suck hard!" comments here."

And THIS is the brief teaser trailer...

-Kevin Smith has posted a fan-friendly Internet-only trailer for Clerks 2.
Whilethe movie seems poised to be a "train wreck," as Smith has joked, theadvance word on it has been great so enjoy. When I'm in an environmentwhere "cocksmoker" is copacetic audio, I'll give it a gander too.


-The For the Records blog is a cool source of Toronto music happenings. Today he has some nice Flaming Lips video links thrown into the mix.



-Oh, and this I can do at work.
In honour of his 100th post, Pimps of Goreis creating a list of his Top 100 Jeff Tweedy/Wilco songs. He's evenbeen kind enough to provide MP3 links so you should have a read andlisten!

Letters to the Editor

You don't want to be one of those people.
The people who write essays that they blind-CC to every publication in the country.
If you're going to write something, you have to pick your battles.

It's been a while since I've written any such letters and yet I found myself writing two to the same publication, The Toronto Star, this very week.

The first was in reference to this review of the play, Hair. Richard Ozounian, who wrote it, is probably the city's biggest theatre critic, for what that's worth. He has developed the habit of writing reviews of PREVIEWS which isn't quite kosher - but it allows you to go to press before the other guys. A Preview, if you don't know, is somewhere between a dress rehearsal and the finished show. If you NEED to review it, you really should let your readers know you aren't reviewing the final show...Anyway, that's the link to the review, here is my letter:

I would like to say that I am impressed with Richard Ozounian's impeccable timing and his ability to be the first in the city to file reviews of major productions. Unfortunately, what is increasingly clear is that he is doing so by reviewing works-in-progress and not informing his readers.

Every theatregoer and critic knows that previews are not to be regarded as final productions and that if one, by necessity, must review a preview, that it should be clearly stated. Mr. Ozounian may be patting himself on the back forhaving his LORD OF THE RINGS review online at 10 p.m.on opening night but since the show was ongoing at the time, why did he not explicitly state that it was not that show he had attended and/or reviewed?

Similarly, today's review of HAIR only references, in a throwaway bracket in the final sentence, that he only saw a preview. In a brand new production, like LORD OF THE RINGS,previews can differ significantly from the final product. Even if Mr. Ozounian attended multiple previews of that show and HAIR, and even if every criticism he made was equally true of the opening night shows, the Star's readers deserve to know that, in the interests of being the first-out-of-the-gate,he has chosen NOT to review the show itself.

For the record - I saw Hair last night and while it's a bit disjointed and has other flaws, it was still a fun night out. The rousing standing ovation at the end speaks either to how high above as all Ozounian is or how out of touch and ineffectual he is. I'm not sure which.

Secondly, is this article from the Star's editor emeritus, Haroon Siddiqui. It may shock some people but I can have a quite a liberal streak. But this guy's heart is bleeding so much, no blood is getting to the brain. He writes the most simpleminded articles about the Mid East which basically amount to the fact that the Palestinians are weak and everyone should give them what they want and stop the big, bad Israelis. No matter what is going on in the world, it is everyone else's fault than the Palestinians there is no peace. He wrote such an article earlier this week and now another one today. The gist of this one, which really got my goat, is that Hamas ain't so bad and, really, we should help em out since the big, bad Israelis won't listen to reason.

In it he makes what I think is the worst, most undermining fallacy a liberal arugment can make: X is powerful, Y is weak, therefore I should support Y.
It's all fine and good to root for the underdog and in many cases - maybe most cases - "The Weak" are being unfairly oppressed. But it is not a universal model and does not apply at all in the Israeli-Arab conflict.

And, here is my letter.

Haroon Siddiqui, as usual, has made a passionate but illogical case for Canada to blindly support the Palestinians no matter what they do.

He touts Canada's "traditional neutrality" apparently unaware that despite having proudly invented peacekeeping, no such thing exists. We have never been Switzerland and have a proud history of taking sides in conflicts, from World War I on. Declaring that we will not negotiate with, nor support terrorists, is nothing new. We will, though Mr. Siddiqui failed to mention it, continue to fund other social programs that directly help the Palestinian population.

He says that we now "stand on guard for the powerful against the weak" as if, by defintion, the "weak" are right or honourable. Nevermind that the "weak" are, in fact, a 300-million strong Arab nation with more than 20 states while the "strong" comprise four million Jews backed into a sliver of land the size of New Jersey.

Siddiqui then complains that Pres. Bush and PM Harper advocate democracy for Arabs, but don't want to deal with its results, apparently failing to understand what democracy is. Democracy, sir, is not an election. Rather elections one tool of a society which has a free press, a free society and other inherent qualities which do not yet exist in the Palestinian Territories. I probably do stand by Mr. Siddiqui in saying that hopefully one day they will.

In the meantime, despite his touting their cease-fires and proud tradition of social programs, Hamas is a recognized terrorist organization that is very specific in both its rejection of Israeli existence and its desire to use violence to rectify that "problem." At such time as they change these two basic beliefs, it would be incumbent on nations like Canada to reconsider their position.

Mr. Siddiqui should write articles urging Hamas to change its policies and truly embrace democracy, or urging Palestinians to become a society that chooses not to elect homicidal political parties. That would be a refreshing change from yet another article about why Canada (and the USA, and Israel...) is the problem. Hamas have already ignored the moral reasons for laying down their suicide bombs - perhaps our financial incentive will do the trick.