The Worst Day of the Month - Redux
Yeah, it's that time of the month again.
And it's my LAST Worst Day of the Month before leaving the world of Quasi-Journalism for either the world of Real Journalism or Non-Journalism.
[and fast apologies, if you care, for the lack of posts lately-it's not that I have nothing to say about Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger getting into a fistfight - it's just there have been techinical problems + some laziness]
9:15 - a bad start already! I won't get into all the minuate so early. I'll just post this idiotic press release I got:
>COMMUNITY GROUPS PROTEST THE ANNUAL „WALK WITH ISRAEL‰
>
> What: Protest against the „Walk with Israel‰
> Where: South Gates of Trinity Bellwoods Park - Queen St. West at Strachan
> When: Sunday May 28th 2006, 10:15 am
>
> Toronto: Thursday, May 25, 2006
>
> On Sunday May 28th, 2006, the United Jewish Federation is sponsoring a
> „Walk with Israel‰ in downtown Toronto. This fundraising event is a
> celebration of the State of Israel: but what is being celebrated?
>
> The state of Israel engages in horrific human rights abuses against
> Palestinians. The colonization of Palestine has resulted in a 58 year
> military occupation, racist confiscation of land, the demolition of homes,
> a policy of collective punishment of Palestinians, the construction of an
> apartheid wall, and repeated extreme violations of civil, economic,
> political, national and human rights ˆ all in the name of Jews wherever
> they are.
>
> This Sunday Jews, Palestinians and supporters will be standing in silent
> protest at the „Walk with Israel‰ to object to the unquestioning and
> uncritical support the mainstream Jewish community and its allies in
> government gives to the state of Israel.
>
> As thousands of participants march past the gates of Trinity Bellwoods
> Park, we will be standing in solidarity with Palestinian rights, in
> protest, with Palestine.
>
> This event is sponsored by the Jewish Women's Committee to End the
> Occupation (JWCEO) and the Coalition Against Israeli Apartheid (CAIA)
As they do every year thsee morons will get their 15 seconds of airtime on the local news. It basically involves 3 women standing outside holding signs will thousands of people - mostly families - file past, occasionally yelling at them for being morons.
Which - if I haven't said it - they are.
Knowing that it is The Worst Day of the Month I've decided to write the following response and keep it in drafts for now, in case I feel more mellow later:
You've caught me on a bad day where my unbiassed journalistic integrity is shaky.
Fuck off - and read a book about what's actually happened in that part of the world, will you?
Apartheid? Give me a break.
Go polish up your Che tattoos, drink your free trade coffee, shine that statue of Noam Chomsky in the front hall and take your "protest" of a family event that's been taking place for well over 20 years somewhere else. Or at least bring 3 or 4 umbrellas in case it rains and your entire group wants to stay dry.
Snap!
Thanks,
David
And so it begins!
9:36 a.m. - After you've finished an article (especially something as important as a calendar) it's important to have it proofread, changed, fact-checked and then changed again. You know - to make it good.
9:51 a.m. - A good think to think about, if something is annoying you, is to remember that scene in MEATBALLS where Bill Murray gets the whole camp shouting, "It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter."
10:02 a.m. -If a vein (say the one above your left eyebrow) starts twitching reflexively should you:
a) Consult a therapist
b) Consult a physician
c) Scotch tape it down and work through it
d) Take advantage of the full bottle of single malt scotch in the adjacent cubicle
10:32 a.m. - Most of the annoying inanties are taken care of for now.
I feel bad that legal and social considerations prevent me from listing every annoying thing. I'll try to do better as the day goes on.
In the meantime, we have had our first technical problem of the day - the servers are down so...yeah, we'll just have to wait and see. Won't we?
11:11 a.m. - The server could be fixed. Or not. It probably is.
But now it's a good time to retreat into a coccoon and deal with more pressing personal matter.
Oh, don't worry - Manic Energy will soon ensure that we have some fun and do some work before the day is out.
I hope we finish soon.
I need to buy chicken breasts for dinner...even if it's raining and thus not ideal for barbecuing...
12:07 p.m. - We have just passed the point where they find out what's missing and ask what yours. Luckily, nothing is mine. So back to waiting.
Pizza will be coming soon.
I've had pizza twice this week already. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying....
12:36 p.m. - Rumours that the pizza is arriving.
In the meantime I am content to sit amidst the swirls of others' chaos.
"Man, this day blows," says Homeboy.
2:41 p.m. - You think things have changed in the last 2 hours? Not really.
I did get a lovely press kit from Ikea that includes coloured chopsticks (designed by Amelia Chong), a plate and a bag of caramel corn.
Now we're at the point where everything is done except one tricky page. But Manic Energy refuses to look at the other 80 pages without this one - it's all or nothing. The holistic approach to publishing, you see.
So we sit.
And wait.
And stand rapt, in awe of his efficiency and genuis.
Really.
3:19 p.m. Soon - soon, I can feel it.
In the meantime, I've been amusing myself reading things like McSweeney's
There are few things I HATE as much as American Idol - I could list all the reaons why, but what's the point?
All I know is that this Ryan Seacrest parody amused me.
I hope it amuses you too.
6:24 p.m. - A dog picture in the calendar is close-cropped.
Of course this elicits a "What the fuck?!"
Now I am overseeing an altering of the dog picture so the background is a solid rectangle.
Of course the best way to spend our time at this hour is having an artist (already busy erasing plates -don't ask)add black to the rectangle so it can be more square.
A model of efficiency AND design.
And I get to be the one who passed the piece of paper to her.
I can really feel my self-worth hitting a new high.
6:40 p.m. - The iPod is wired to the PA system.
The whole office has no choice but to listen to the Shuffle Demons classic, "Spadina Bus."
The controller is not as amused as we are.
Too bad - the Buddha said "Life is suffering."
Get with the program.
7:34 p.m. - This is how it works. This is why it's the worst day of the month.
Bored out of our fucking skulls, Homeboy and I head north, down the hall, to the Hallowed Production Room. There, Manic Energy and Treehugger glance up from their revelries and see us.
"You guys can go," chuckles Manic Energy. "You probably could have gone home two hours ago."
"No shit," I think. I imagine Homeboy thinks the same. Or worse.
The laughing resumes and we walk out.
I have done one thing today - it was the dog picture which I didn't even really do.
I don't know what images dance through Homeboy's head but I picture knives and fire.
Fire and knives.
I remind myself how lucky I am to be leaving this chickenshit place.
So long.
And it's my LAST Worst Day of the Month before leaving the world of Quasi-Journalism for either the world of Real Journalism or Non-Journalism.
[and fast apologies, if you care, for the lack of posts lately-it's not that I have nothing to say about Axl Rose and Tommy Hilfiger getting into a fistfight - it's just there have been techinical problems + some laziness]
9:15 - a bad start already! I won't get into all the minuate so early. I'll just post this idiotic press release I got:
>COMMUNITY GROUPS PROTEST THE ANNUAL „WALK WITH ISRAEL‰
>
> What: Protest against the „Walk with Israel‰
> Where: South Gates of Trinity Bellwoods Park - Queen St. West at Strachan
> When: Sunday May 28th 2006, 10:15 am
>
> Toronto: Thursday, May 25, 2006
>
> On Sunday May 28th, 2006, the United Jewish Federation is sponsoring a
> „Walk with Israel‰ in downtown Toronto. This fundraising event is a
> celebration of the State of Israel: but what is being celebrated?
>
> The state of Israel engages in horrific human rights abuses against
> Palestinians. The colonization of Palestine has resulted in a 58 year
> military occupation, racist confiscation of land, the demolition of homes,
> a policy of collective punishment of Palestinians, the construction of an
> apartheid wall, and repeated extreme violations of civil, economic,
> political, national and human rights ˆ all in the name of Jews wherever
> they are.
>
> This Sunday Jews, Palestinians and supporters will be standing in silent
> protest at the „Walk with Israel‰ to object to the unquestioning and
> uncritical support the mainstream Jewish community and its allies in
> government gives to the state of Israel.
>
> As thousands of participants march past the gates of Trinity Bellwoods
> Park, we will be standing in solidarity with Palestinian rights, in
> protest, with Palestine.
>
> This event is sponsored by the Jewish Women's Committee to End the
> Occupation (JWCEO) and the Coalition Against Israeli Apartheid (CAIA)
As they do every year thsee morons will get their 15 seconds of airtime on the local news. It basically involves 3 women standing outside holding signs will thousands of people - mostly families - file past, occasionally yelling at them for being morons.
Which - if I haven't said it - they are.
Knowing that it is The Worst Day of the Month I've decided to write the following response and keep it in drafts for now, in case I feel more mellow later:
You've caught me on a bad day where my unbiassed journalistic integrity is shaky.
Fuck off - and read a book about what's actually happened in that part of the world, will you?
Apartheid? Give me a break.
Go polish up your Che tattoos, drink your free trade coffee, shine that statue of Noam Chomsky in the front hall and take your "protest" of a family event that's been taking place for well over 20 years somewhere else. Or at least bring 3 or 4 umbrellas in case it rains and your entire group wants to stay dry.
Snap!
Thanks,
David
And so it begins!
9:36 a.m. - After you've finished an article (especially something as important as a calendar) it's important to have it proofread, changed, fact-checked and then changed again. You know - to make it good.
9:51 a.m. - A good think to think about, if something is annoying you, is to remember that scene in MEATBALLS where Bill Murray gets the whole camp shouting, "It just doesn't matter! It just doesn't matter."
10:02 a.m. -If a vein (say the one above your left eyebrow) starts twitching reflexively should you:
a) Consult a therapist
b) Consult a physician
c) Scotch tape it down and work through it
d) Take advantage of the full bottle of single malt scotch in the adjacent cubicle
10:32 a.m. - Most of the annoying inanties are taken care of for now.
I feel bad that legal and social considerations prevent me from listing every annoying thing. I'll try to do better as the day goes on.
In the meantime, we have had our first technical problem of the day - the servers are down so...yeah, we'll just have to wait and see. Won't we?
11:11 a.m. - The server could be fixed. Or not. It probably is.
But now it's a good time to retreat into a coccoon and deal with more pressing personal matter.
Oh, don't worry - Manic Energy will soon ensure that we have some fun and do some work before the day is out.
I hope we finish soon.
I need to buy chicken breasts for dinner...even if it's raining and thus not ideal for barbecuing...
12:07 p.m. - We have just passed the point where they find out what's missing and ask what yours. Luckily, nothing is mine. So back to waiting.
Pizza will be coming soon.
I've had pizza twice this week already. I'm not complaining, I'm just saying....
12:36 p.m. - Rumours that the pizza is arriving.
In the meantime I am content to sit amidst the swirls of others' chaos.
"Man, this day blows," says Homeboy.
2:41 p.m. - You think things have changed in the last 2 hours? Not really.
I did get a lovely press kit from Ikea that includes coloured chopsticks (designed by Amelia Chong), a plate and a bag of caramel corn.
Now we're at the point where everything is done except one tricky page. But Manic Energy refuses to look at the other 80 pages without this one - it's all or nothing. The holistic approach to publishing, you see.
So we sit.
And wait.
And stand rapt, in awe of his efficiency and genuis.
Really.
3:19 p.m. Soon - soon, I can feel it.
In the meantime, I've been amusing myself reading things like McSweeney's
There are few things I HATE as much as American Idol - I could list all the reaons why, but what's the point?
All I know is that this Ryan Seacrest parody amused me.
I hope it amuses you too.
6:24 p.m. - A dog picture in the calendar is close-cropped.
Of course this elicits a "What the fuck?!"
Now I am overseeing an altering of the dog picture so the background is a solid rectangle.
Of course the best way to spend our time at this hour is having an artist (already busy erasing plates -don't ask)add black to the rectangle so it can be more square.
A model of efficiency AND design.
And I get to be the one who passed the piece of paper to her.
I can really feel my self-worth hitting a new high.
6:40 p.m. - The iPod is wired to the PA system.
The whole office has no choice but to listen to the Shuffle Demons classic, "Spadina Bus."
The controller is not as amused as we are.
Too bad - the Buddha said "Life is suffering."
Get with the program.
7:34 p.m. - This is how it works. This is why it's the worst day of the month.
Bored out of our fucking skulls, Homeboy and I head north, down the hall, to the Hallowed Production Room. There, Manic Energy and Treehugger glance up from their revelries and see us.
"You guys can go," chuckles Manic Energy. "You probably could have gone home two hours ago."
"No shit," I think. I imagine Homeboy thinks the same. Or worse.
The laughing resumes and we walk out.
I have done one thing today - it was the dog picture which I didn't even really do.
I don't know what images dance through Homeboy's head but I picture knives and fire.
Fire and knives.
I remind myself how lucky I am to be leaving this chickenshit place.
So long.
posted by Heavy Early at 3:43 PM
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