Bond VIII - Live and Let Die

Firstly it is incumbent upon me to mention the new "scientific" study declaring that Connery is the "best" Bond.

I kinda think the picture likes most like Lazenby but, whatever.
Basically my conclusion thus far is that all the Bonds have their great and weak moments. Connery got there first and therefore he is the standard by which all others are judged.

Which brings us to Roger Moore's first try. Off the top I'll say that most of the problems with this film have to do with it aiming a bit low, and with Moore himself. It shows signs of better things to come. I should also toss out that the DVD has a rather funny British milk commercial, ("Pick up a pinto!") showing the cast and crew of the new 007 flick sipping milk. The extras also make mention of how Burt Reynolds nearly got cast in the part.

-The cold open is a real series of "What the fucks?" since Bond isn't even in the whole thing. It's three guys getting snuffed, albeit in creative ways: UN earbomb, New Orleans funeral march and (of course) Voodoo Snake Guy. Luckily all this confusion leads into THE BEST BOND SONG EVER.

-Bond has some nice digs. He even has an espresso machine. The initial difference one picks up between Connery and Moore is that Connery (and Daniel Craig, I'd add) seems like a street tough who learned to be suave as cover while he's kicking ass. Moore seems like he's a suave guy who learned to kick ass...

-Man, it's ANOTHER Felix Leiter. How is it possible that I never before realized what a useless douchebag he is? Has he ever been played by the same guy twice? It's nice to know that the CIA has a black guy on call for missions like this (ie where the bad guys are all black) but I'm still wondering: Where is the FBI? It's this kind of territoriality that lead to the 9/11 intelligence failures.
(Trivia: this dude actually played Leiter again! Sure, it was 25 years later but still...points for effort.)

-I like the white pimpmobile (not necessarily the best vehicle for a subtle getaway) and I love the young, smiley Yaphet Kotto.
It's impressive that every black person in New York City seems to be working as part of this smuggling op and helping tail Bond. Bond in Harlem is a good idea for a movie...but they had throw in the voodoo sutff.

-"Names is for tombstones, baby," is clearly the best ever response to, "My name is Bond. James Bond."

-It's also worth noting that for all the bitching about Daniel Craig beyond "the blonde Bond," Moore's hair is awful close. Unlike Connery at least these guys HAVE real hair. Sorry, Sean.

-Holy shit! The Voodoo guys recruited the laughing guy from the 7-Up commercials! This is devastating news. IT's frickin PUNJAB, people!

Did you know he's a Tony winning director AND he narrated Tim Burton's Charlie and The Chocolate Factory?
That's CRAZY!

-Bond's got spray-on aftershave, a monstrous cigar and tells chicks things like, "We can lick you into shape." He's still got it.

-Depending on your point-of-view Quarrel Jr. is either a cute throwback or rather pointless. All I know is that Rosie looks pretty good with a bikini and a gun and I admire Bond's iterracial tendencies. It's almost as admirable as his desire to screw women who he knows will try to kill him after.

-In addition the aforementioned hydrofoils and hovercrafts, I want to on record saying that movies need more handgliding. It's one of the more absurd things we, as a species, have come up with.

-The tarot cards show nookie and therefore Bond must bed Solitaire. For the second time since Connery left, Bond has scored with two different chicks in one day.

-I believe the first "Holy shit!" in a Bond movie goes to the old lady taking flying lessons.

-Crocodiles are ugly creatures but if you know you're killing Bond with the crocs...why not just toss him in? Why the drama?

-The bayou boat chase is cool and the fx have improved the point where we can see Moore actually driving a racing boat as opposed to seeing Connery pretending he's driving a car in front of a movie screen.

-Ah, it's Sherrif Pepper! He's damned funny...and kinda doing his own wacky thing.
Here are some odd facts about Clifton James, who has been in a billion things. He's from New York, not the south. A look at his credits shows that he has played similar sherrif parts many times, most prominently in Superman II where, as far as I can tell, he was the exact same character. Despite the fact that Sherrif JW Pepper mostly seems to be in some other movie (albeit an amusing one, perhaps Dukes of Hazard) he will (unlike Felix Leiter) return for a cameo in The Man With the Golden Gun. The important thing to know about the sherrif is that he calls EVERYONE "boy," not just black people. When he says to "Call Billy Bob!" you know things are getting good.

-Bond has apparently traded in his li'l Walther PPK for a full-on magnum. Perhaps the producers thought Dirty Harry was making Bond look like a sissy?

-I kinda like Kananga. He has a sense of humour and he smiles a lot. But then he stupidly explains how his lame heroin smuggling op works and lets me down. Then instead of stabbing Bond in the stomach and tossing him in with the sharks he gives him three cuts on the arm and lets him wait for the sharks. I wonder how THIS will end. Oh, and Kanagnga - shark tanks are soooo 1965.

-Making Kananga turn into a balloon and blow up is cool, weird and distrubing at the same time.

-The guy with the metal hand, like his boss, has a cheery disposition when he's at work. This may be the first (but certainly not the last!) time the henchman outlives his master and wreaks havoc when it looks like everything is okay.

-"I was being disarming" is an appropriate and amusing line for dispensing with roboman. Phew, the world is safe.
But wait...PUNJAB IS ON THE BACK OF THE TRAIN!!! HE'S LAUGHING!!! EVILLLY?
(Ed note: This does not pay off in any future Bond movies but as Mr. Carver is still quite active I would HIGHLY reccomend that he be included in the next Daniel Craig film.)

Bond VII - Diamonds are Forever

-Choking a chick with her own bra is just plain cold.

-I know the Bond films aren't really sequential but they really should have made some reference to his dead wife (I know it happens in a later film).

-Blofeld is not just a different actor but nearly a different character. Is it because he had plastic surgery? This is a bit unclear in the opening (the entirety of which is given away in the film's trailer, btw). Man, he doesn't even have the same kind of cigarette hold as Savalas. Plus it's distracting that he's the guy from Rocky Horror.

-I've always been amused by these guys, Mr. Kidd and Mr. Wint. (And I found out that Putter Smith who plays Kidd was a musician who played on tracks like "You've Lost That Loving Feeling." Really. OH, and Wint is Bruce Glover whose son is Crispin Glover!) They're creepy and a bit comedic but...well, I like em.

-On the other hand, Kidd makes a remark about how Jill St. John is attractive "for a lady" and I'm not clear if he's, like, gay or what. I think that's the deal.

-As for Jill St. John, they're pushing the envelope with her walking around in bra and panties. Then Bond says something about not minding hair colour as long as "the collar matches the cuffs" and takes it further. It's as about as edgy as Bond films get in terms of sex.

-Man, I LOVE Bond's kissy trick! If you've seen the film, you know what I mean.

-Again, the uselessness that is Felix Leiter. If Bond didn't introduce him you'd never know.

-The diamond extraction is convoluted if ingenious...still, Bond gambled a bit on being able to get out of that coffin.

-The whole Plenty O'Toole bit is amusing, including the bit where the mobsters throw her out a window and then admit, "I had no idea there was a pool there."

-It's Circus Circus! All shiny and new! Its mere presence in a Bond movie suggests that it's a classy joint but it's the most frightening place in Vegas. Almost 40 years ago Hunter Thompson said it's "what the whole hep world would be doing Saturday night if the Nazis had won the war." And it's gone downhill since then.

-Why is the CIA operating in the USA? I'm pretty sure it's outside of their mandate. Does Leiter even know the FBI exists?

-Bond stole my clipboard trick! My three golden rules are:

1) Taking a clipboard will always make you look busy

2) WD40 can loosen anything

3) Duct tape can secure anything

-The moonbuggy escape is pushing things.

-Jill St. John is cute and fills out a bikini but, um, not the strongest actress.

-Wow, it's Blofeld! Two Blofelds! He doesn't explain everything to Bond which is progress but why the elaborate murder? He could shoot him. Instead he puts him in an elevator, gasses him, has him trucked out to the desert; he remains passed out long enough for the pipe he's dumped in to be lifted, secured and buried as part of a watermain or something. He gets awoken by some unexplained pipe-cleaning robot. Nice one, Blofeld! No wonder you never win, asshole.

-A pink tie? Dude - you're JAMES BOND.

-Ah, Bambi and Thumper. I guess because of the PG they cut away when Bambi knees him in the nuts. Really, I'm not entirely clear what they're doing...guarding Willard Whyte?

-Now, this Whyte guy is established as a Howard Hughes-type recluse which is why Blofeld can take over for him with no one wondering anything. But, aside from being a bit of a blowhard, he seems like a normal guy. Oh, and a hammy actor.

-I can't believe Q is cheating in the casino. Uncool, man.

-Dear lord - Blofeld in DRAG? The he explains his plan AND falls for the ol switcheroo trick. This guy DESERVES to get his ass kicked by Bond.

-His li'l escape submarine is a great idea - if only he didn't need to rely on someone to pick it up on a crane and drop it. By the way, henchmen: When the boss heads for the escape submarine, that's the time for you to stop fighting.

-Oh, and isn't this oil rig in Baja? In Mexico? Being attacked by US Marines? I see an international incident here.

-Ah, the demise of Kidd and Wint. The improv with the skewers would have been admirable but for the fire...I guess that's better than going with a bomb tied between your legs. Oh, well.

So long, Connery! Next stop: Roger Moore! Voodoo-style!

-

Bond VI - On Her Majesty's Secret Service

This is the one Bond film I've never seen so there will be more notes. One predictable Bond thing is that the movies get too gadgety and then reset. So this more straightforward movie was a bit necessary after the borderline silliness of You Only Live Twice.

Before watching the film I watched a bit of the DVD extras to hear about the Connery/Lazenby thing.
Not only is Lazenby an Australian who played a Brit, he now has an American accent. He sounds a lot like Mel Gibson and is a handsome gent. Heck, he wasn't even an actor before OHMSS and, well, he seems like an awful genial fellow given the flack he took.
It's worth bearing in mind that while the film didn't do as well as the Connery flicks it was still a box office success.

Anyway:
-The opening theme is a bit groovier. During the opening they take their time showing his face, keeping him in sillhouette mostly. My first impression is that Lazenby is a leaner, suaver guy...doesn't seem dangerous, per se. But he fights okay.

-Two oddities during the opening are the wonky day-for-night shooting and the car making a brake screech when it stops on the sandy beach.
And, of course, the big third oddity which is Bond losing the girl, looking at the camera and saying, "This never happened to the other guy." It's a bit on the nose but they pull it off okay.
-You can always tell a classy casino by the purple wallpaper. (And they're playing my fave game - "BANCO!" which I think is just baccarat.)

You can also tell, throughout this film, that it's 1969. The peculiar fashions are creeping in around the edges. Witness Bond's silly, frilly tux shirt which will eventually be followed by an odd Austin Powersy getup/kilt.

-Diana Rigg, who I really only know from The Great Muppet Caper is a heck of a looker.

-Her character's father is pretty messed though. I gather this from the fact that he tells Bond that his daughter, "Needs someone to make love to her, to dominate her!" And from the fact that, later on, he will punch her and knock her out. No hard feelings, however.

-Bond almost resigns! He and M need to communicate better. They're both lucky to have Moneypenny around.

-The opening theme, by the way, had no lyrics. Given the film's title that was probably a smart choice. Now, however, we get a Louis Armstrong love song (nice) and a lovey montage (weird).
-Bond's safecracking machine is the only gadget in the movie. Plus he steals a Playboy. Slick.

-I had no idea M collected butterflies. What a sissy.

-The alpine scenery in this flick is as gorgeous as in any Bond movie so far. Overall this seems to be the most cinematic so far with some nice camera work, purty shots and even a li'l flashback.

-Blofeld's lair, Piz Gloria is cool too. Apparently it's actually a resaturant that let them film there when they proimsed to finish building it. It's STILL a restaurant and they kept the Piz Gloria name.
-There are about 20 hot girls (each a cultural stereotype) in Blofeld's lair and they all think that Bond (in disguise!) is gay. So he hooks up with the Brit chick who, with all due respect, is the least-hot one there. Luckily he makes up for this by making two double entendres (one about having four gold balls and another about some stiffness coming on) and then by screwing a second chick on the same night. Take THAT Connery!

-Blofeld! Finally! And it's...Telly Savalas? This is probably the only time I've seen that guy ACT. Mostly he's just a joke. And he's not bad. He's not a cartoony creep like Donald Pleasance was - plus he smokes his ciggies in this cool, European way. He doesn't seem very EEEVIL but that's okay.

-After Bond gets knocked out there is a weird montage that could only have been filmed between 1969 and, say, 1972. Then he wakes up, makes a daring, sweet escape and gets into a nice smackdown of a fight.

-Skiing that fast at night is dangerous. Luckily they're in front of a bluescreen. The skiing footage here is about as cool as the SCUBA footage in Thunderball. Well done. Bond even invents the snowboard when one of his skis is broken.

-I just drove in a winter storm so the whole smashup derby on ice seems a bit redundant, but it's well done. All of the action here is. It's enough, in general, that you really don't miss Connery.
-Bond proposes - showing how truly whipped he is. I already know that it doesn't end well (it's the one thing I know about this film).

-I like that Blofeld goes in with the troops and if the avalanche he triggers seems a bit much, at least it looks cool. That doesn't excuse him missing a wide open shot at Bond back in his lair, however.

-I can't believe that dude has a bobsled run for escaping! If there's something more dangerous than skiing at night it's driving a bobsled and turning around to shoot someone. Asking for trouble, I tell ya.

-The wedding is nice but then...she gets killed. And the director cut the takes where Lazenby cried (chickens!). I knew she died but I can't believe that's how it ENDS. Damn, that's harsh.
-Luckily, I've checked ahead and by the beginning of the next film (with Connery) he's over it.

-Overall, Lazenby did a great job. Another film or two and he could have been a very solid Bond. He got a bum rap and whatever his flaws it's lame they went back to Connery who (I'm guessing) just did it for the money.